


Panicking! In The Non Disco Way

by CharlieLovesU



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: (ryan) (too soon?) (too soon), AU, Drunkness, Fluff, Josh POV, M/M, Mistakes, Nonbinary Character, Other, Polyamory, Smut, Trans Character, alcohol use, does anyone regret fucking brendon urie, no seriously if you're not down for polyamory this fic WILL disappoint you, nonbinary!tyler, or are they, roommate!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2018-10-23 23:14:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10729278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieLovesU/pseuds/CharlieLovesU
Summary: drunkly hooking up with Brendon Urie probably isn't what Josh expected to do while still in love with his nonbinary roommate Tyler but honestly this mess hasn't even started yetaka everyone is queer, poly, a mess, and everything is exhausting





	1. Let's Get These Drunk Hearts Beating Faster, Faster

**Author's Note:**

> yo dudes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> so of course since I have shitty timing I decided to start writing and posting a fic during the time in which imma be finishing my final grades. isn't my life great 
> 
>  
> 
> anyway I'm gonna try and update whenever I can anyway and guilt is probably gonna keep me doing it !!!!!! cause I'm a piece of shit !!!!!!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> PSA !!! i am using the names of real people and the personalities of said real people but !!! this is not meant to represent them or push anything onto them or anything like that !!! the moment they were put into a fic they turned into just characters !! do not ever be weird to the real life people !!! 
> 
> i made tyler nonbinary and every single person polyamorous for fucks sake 
> 
> do not be creepy to real people ! 
> 
> fiction !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> take a fuckin fic babes

* * *

 

  
"You guys ready?" Tyler asked, opening the door of their apartment.

"Yeah!" Josh and Mark said at the same time, following Tyler outside.

"Jenna'll join us once we're at Brendon's."

After that it was just comfortable silence 'til they reached it.

 

~

 

Josh was at a party. He didn't even really like parties. But here he was. (isn't life just fricking ironic?)

 

'Why would someone like him, who doesn't even like going to parties, be doing something like this?'

Because Brendon fricking Urie, that's why. He could swear that man is a siren. (he definitely has the looks for it)

 

Brendon had invited them all for some drinks and fun and stuff at his place. Maybe stay a night or two since they all conveniently have a break from work this week. Why not? Sounded chill at the time.

 

Just some friends hanging out. Nothing big, right?

 

Wrong. Very, very wrong.

 

Brendon's place was full of people, all dancing and having fun. And most likely drunk.

Josh looked over at a girl passed out on the couch. _Definitely drunk_. (he kind of wanted to give her a blanket, but that would probably be creepy since he doesn't know her so let's not do that,,?) (also he doesn't actually have a blanket) (details)

In the crowded place, full of dancing people, drunk people, people making out, and people just crying for some reason, (same), he could barely keep track of where any of his friends had run off to. Fricking extroverts. They make his life harder.

  
A night off, no obligations, might as well have a party, right ?

Josh didn't think so. He would have preferred literally anything else. (death could have worked , too )

 

"Wanna go dance?" Tyler said suddenly, snapping Josh out of his thoughts. Tyler already looked drunk, or at the very least they were a bit tipsy. (although, Ty seemed sober enough to be able to walk in their heels, so how drunk could they really be?)

"Nah, you go ahead. I'll stay here." Josh answered.

"I'll find some other cute boy to dance with, then." Tyler joked, lightly tapping Josh on the bottom of his chin before walking off into the pit of other people dancing to the music blaring through the shitty speakers. He really wondered how Tyler managed to make themselves the center of attention without wanting to sink to the floor and turn into a black hole.

Josh would rather stay in the little hidden corner table of Brendon's house he was in. He had food, normal drinks, alcohol, and the biggest plus, no one payed attention to him there. Pretty much completely hidden from view, since no one would think to look there if they didn't know about it. A perfect little hobbit corner.

 

Josh watched what he could see in the crowd of Tyler's dancing. Ty had such an endearing dancing style, and Josh was smiling just watching them be a dork on the dance floor.

He sighed to himself when he saw Tyler dancing with Jenna. Josh didn't even realize she was dancing too, but his jealousy was not very helpful now that he spotted her.

Don't get him wrong, he loves Jenna. She was gorgeous and nice and kind and just a pleasure to be around. She made him happy. She made _Tyler_ happy. She was Tyler's bestest friend other than Josh. It's not like Ty and her were dating and not telling him, they wouldn't do that. That would just be pointless and silly. He had nothing to be jealous of, but still.

  
"You lovesick fool." Brendon teased, sitting next to him. Just when he thought he could be alone, someone found his corner, yikes. (it _is_ Brendon's house. Josh shouldn't have been so surprised. No matter how hidden from view it is.) (go away, logic.)

"I'm not lovesick." Josh said, turning red as he stared down at the drink Brendon put in his hand. Whatever, might as well. They all planned to stay at Brendon's anyway, so who cares?

"You sure about that?" Brendon said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Shut up." Josh snapped as he downed the shot.

"I have more of where that came from if you-"

"Please." Josh said, cutting him off. He looked back at Tyler, still dancing and having fun, "I need it."

Brendon poured him another shot, watching as Josh dunked it in record time. And the next one.

"I see you still haven't told Ty."

"No." Josh said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I live with them, I can't just blurt it out, it could make things awkward. I can't live with awkward. I can live with Mark, but not awkward."

"It wouldn't be awkward!" Brendon said, "Knowing Tyler, even if their queer ass isn't already head to toe in love with you, you'd still be friends."

"Maybe." Josh sighed, putting his head in his hands, "I just... don't wanna risk it. And I don't want the confrontation of that conversation either. I don't know."

Brendon looked at him understandingly, taking the bottle and without a word filling their shot glasses up again. (anxiety buddies!)

"This is a terrible idea." Josh said, not moving to take them.

"Whatever. I'm not even _tipsy_." Brendon said, taking both the shots for them. Josh rolled his eyes, smiling. He took a shot too for the sake of peer pressure, and not letting Brendon get too drunk on his own.

  
Brendon put the shot glasses down, mildly cringing at the alcohol taste, before leaning back and looking at the crowd of people dancing around. Josh followed where he was looking, telling himself he'd just watch the dancers, but he really just ended up eyeing Tyler and Jenna. They were having fun. Just as Josh expected.

  
Pathetic Josh.

  
_Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic_.

  
Grow up. Let them have their fun. Just because you are too much of an emotional mess to admit things.

  
Pathetic.

  
_Pathetic_.

  
**_Pathetic_**.

 

"Joshy?" Came a voice. It sounded concerned.

He turned to see Brendon staring at him, a mix of confusion and worry on his face.

"Sorry, what?" Josh asked, clearing his mind and trying to get himself to focus on Brendon instead.

"I called your name like six times, are you sure you're alright?" Brendon asked, carefully placing a hand on Josh's arm in a way that Josh could brush it off easily if he wanted to. He didn't.

"M'fine." He said, not really looking at him.

Brendon gave him a sad smile in return. The one that says he's very aware you're bullshitting but he also knows that pity isn't really that helpful so he just hopes that it's enough to acknowledge it while also not being completely ignorant. That kind of sad smile.

 

They sat in silence for a while. Or, as silent as it can be in a party, blaring music in huge speakers.

 

He lost track of how much time passed. Brendon had taken some more shots, Josh taking a few as well, but avoiding getting too drunk by drinking some other stuff that was just blurring in his mind. Everything was blurring, really. It was almost enough to stop thinking about Tyler so damn much. Almost.

 

"What if we fucked?" Brendon said suddenly, causing Josh to choke on the redbull that he'd so fatefully decided to drink right at that very moment.

"Dude, what?" Josh said, coughing as he recovered from the redbull thing. He wasn't drunk enough for this. (He wasn't even surprised to hear that at this point, honestly. It's Brendon fricking Urie.)

"Sorry. Kinda tipsydrunk. No filter." Brendon said.

"You'd say that if you were sober, too." Josh pointed out.

"Touché." Brendon said, "I just mean, _y'know_." He did some hand gesture that meant nothing, and Josh just waited for Brendon to continue. Brendon sighed, as if the frantic hand waving should have made sense to him. 

" _Look_ , you're lonely with your 'unrequited'" he said in air quotes, "...love thing, and _iiiiiii'm_ just a slut in general. Best case scenario, we make out, _lil'tyty_ over there sees," he pointed in Tyler's general direction, nearly falling over doing so, " _Ty_ gets jealous, _we_ end up having a great hookup, and then in the end jealous Tyler gets with ya anyway. Average case scenario, Ty doesn't really care but _we_ still have a good hookup, 'cause let's be real, I _won't_ disappoint. I'm a better fuck than any boy you'll ever meet." Brendon winked at the last sentence.

"Ty's nonbinary, Brebobo." Josh grumbled.

"That's why _yyy_ I said any _boy_. I don't know Tyler's bed skills." Brendon shrugged, "They might be _amazing_."

(Great mental image to give him there, Brendon. So helpful.)

Josh was just left there, staring at him, still not entirely sure how to process one of his best friends telling him this exact thing.

"You're a lot more drunk than I thought you were." Josh said, shaking his head.

"I'm not as _think_ as you _drunk_ I am." Brendon said, earning a head shake from Josh, "I drank almost the same as you. I'm _cheeky_ , Joshua."

Josh just kept sitting there, staring, unsure what to say.

" _Soooooooooooooooooooo........._ " Brendon said, holding the 'o' longer than any sober person would, "You down? Drunk kiss, I know you need it."

Josh took one last look at Tyler, who now had their arms around Jenna, the both of them dancing with the biggest nerdy smiles on their faces, no matter how slow or fast the music got. He couldn't describe exactly what he felt if he tried, and he was probably too drunk, but it would be incredibly unkind to say it out loud anyway.

Tyler wouldn't get jealous, they didn't like Josh that way. He knew that. But he didn't care. At the very least Josh didn't have to think about them for a while.

 

"Sure." He shrugged, taking one last shot of alcohol, "Why not."

Brendon smirked drunkly (tipsily?), leaning in right then and there, which surprised him, but at the same time, no one could really see them, so it didn't really matter.

 

It was nice. Not a _phenomenal_ kiss, where his _entire life changes_ and everything is _never_ the same. But a good one anyway. His mind was blurry, he couldn't really tell. Brendon seemed to be good at it. Josh wasn't surprised.

Brendon also kinda tasted like alcohol, but that was both of their faults.

It got Tyler out of his mind for a bit. He couldn't complain.

 

Brendon deepened the kiss, Josh going along with it, wrapping his arms around Brendon's shoulders. One of Brendon's hands was tangled in Josh's hair, pulling slightly. The other fell to his waist, slightly pushing his shirt up and putting his hand under it just enough to make Josh gasp into his mouth. (mostly 'cause Brendon's hands were fucking _cold_ , but like.... whatever) 

Before he knew it, they were both standing, continuing to give small kisses as they walked along to wherever Brendon was leading him, which he could assume was probably more appropriate than making out in the middle of the party. (again, they weren't actually that much in sight, but that didn't make it any more appropriate.) ([conservative voice] sinNERS) (yes, the author is a fucking dweeb)

  
Josh stopped kissing for a second just to look and see if Tyler had noticed them. Ty was still dancing, no proof they'd looked over once. Josh was weirdly kind of disappointed, which just made him more disgusted in himself. (get a life. jesus.)

 

Brendon groaned, gently putting a hand on Josh's chin to get Josh to look back at him. Brendon raised an eyebrow at him, Josh mouthing 'sorry' before letting Brendon lead him back to what they were doing. Turns out the more appropriate place was none other than Brendon's very bedroom. Go figure.

 

Josh was in love with Tyler. His roommate. His best friend. His other half. All those cheesy things. Like, super in love.

But that fact wasn't very believable when looking at the position he was in right now, making out against a wall with Brendon fricking Urie.

 

With Brendon's legs wrapped around his waist, hands scratching at his back and pulling at his hair, mouth tasting of alcohol and redbull and warmth going through him as they only got rougher and rougher, knocking the breath out of both of them as Josh just slammed Brendon to the wall harder (ow, but _wow_ ), it all made it really hard to have Tyler on his mind right now.

 

Josh wasn't regretting it yet, so how bad could it really be?

 


	2. A Casual Affair, Whoa !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> morning after and josh is a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo dudes !!!!!!!
> 
> I have all these tests and shit that I should be studying for but fuck that and here's some more shit
> 
> also there is some joshdon on this chapter (even tho josh is still a love struck fuckin nerd) but hey you saw the tags you signed up for this suck it up 
> 
> have fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

  
Josh woke up, headache already there. He hadn't even drank that much (debatable), which made the mind melting pain incredibly unfair. If it turned out that his brain was leaking out of his skull in an array of colours, he wouldn't be surprised.

Didn't have to puke this time though. Life's little miracles.

He was really comfy, that he couldn't complain about.

 

Warmer than usual.

 

Arms wrapped around him ?

 

Strange.

 

Tyler must have come sometime at- _oh_.

 

Oh, right.

 

The memories were flooding back and they were... woah. _Woah_. (hot damn tho)

 

He finally opened his eyes, being greeted by a very much not clothed Brendon Urie sleeping on his chest, arms around him. Breadpan shifted in his sleep, resting his face between Josh's neck and collar bone. They were close to the same height, (he was a bit taller than him though), but right now Brendon looked _tiny_.

Josh raised his hand and put it through Brendon's mess of morning hair. It was surprisingly soft, considering the mess of a night it had been, pre and post hookup.

Josh giggled a bit when Brendon moved his head, ticking Josh's chest with his hair. Didn't wake him yet, though.

 

Oh, dear. 

 

The night was great, but he was cringing at the thought of Tyler knowing about this. Even though that's kind of why he'd done it. Sort of. He was really drunk. He doesn't know.

  
_Ack_.

 

Brendon yawned, stretching his arms out a bit before resting them back down on him. Brendon gently kissed a part of Josh's neck that he could reach without moving too much, earning another sleepy giggle from Josh.

 

"Mornin', Josh." He said sleepily, raising his head and resting his chin on Josh's chest.

"Mornin', Beebo." Josh said back.

"Who the fuck is beebo?" Brendon said, peeking at the digital clock on the nightstand, then turning his eyes right back to Josh's, "Y'know, it's pretty early, we have plenty of time for another round. I'm sure no one else is awake, or will be for a while." Brendon wiggled his eyebrows at him.

"Unless you don't want to." Brendon said, "or if you feel sick, I don't want you puking on me in the middle of it."

"Oh, you're not into that?" Josh joked. Brendon raised an eyebrow in response.

"I'm fine. A headache, but fine." Josh shrugged, which was kind of difficult to do with the weight of a whole lotta Brendon on top of him. Well, he'd already done all of this. It's not like it could hurt. (not in a bad way) ( ;))))))))))) ) (sorry, that was terrible) (anyway,)

"Yeah, let's do it."

 

~

 

"So how long did you say you've been in love with Tyler?" Brendon said, scooting up on the bed so he was in a sitting position.

"Really?" Josh asked, raising his head up that had been previously resting on his arm, "A year or so, probably. But you ask that _now_?" Brendon shrugged.

Josh sat up on the bed as well.

"So, that was fun." Brendon said, stretching his muscles.

"It was... something." Josh agreed, "So, about all this...?"

"We can be the same as before, and we never have to talk about it again if you don't want to." Brendon said easily, picking up his underwear from the floor.

"Sick." Josh said, getting up and putting his own clothes back on. Brendon looked annoyingly good with bedhead. Not that he could really complain at the view.

 

"So definitely no feelings, right?" Josh asked.

"Only a fool would fall in love with someone as deadly as me," He answered.

"Shut the fuck up, Brendon."

 

Brendon laughed as he opened to bedroom door, only to sigh immediately at the sight of the house. (moodkiller much ?)

"Is it a mess?" Josh asked.

"After a party ?" He said, and Josh didn't need any more answer.

Where had Tyler and Mark slept, anyway?Had they even noticed he was gone?

Josh walked up next to him and stared at the disaster outside.

Tyler was already awake, sitting on one of the sofas and lazily using their phone, although Mark was still laying passed out on the couch, looking like he'd died three weeks ago. (mood)

He rose slowly from the dead though. Like a really hungover zombie.

 

"If you don't help me clean, I'm murdering you all." Brendon said as he walked in, seeing the two there.

"Alright, alright." Tyler said, their voice croakier than usual. "Ugh. Headache."

"You drank _a lot_ , dude." Said Mark.

"So did you!" Tyler retaliated, slapping Mark on the arm.

"We all did. It was a party. Now get your hungover asses up and help me." Brendon said, moving to pick up some stuff from the floor, as Josh walked over and gave the other two a hand.

 

"How drunk even were you last night?" Josh said, looking at Tyler, who was still trying to balance themselves.

"Well, I still have my pants on, so not _too_ much, right?"

"Tyler, you came to this party in a dress." Mark pointed out.

"Oh." Tyler looked down at the jeans they had on, "So I did."

"Where _is_ your dress?"

"Here." Dallon said, popping out of nowhere, almost giving poor Josh a heart attack, "It was on the floor."

Tyler nodded gratefully as they picked it up from him.

 

"Anyway, can we get back to being helpful?" Brendon said, throwing an empty cup at Tyler's head.

"I'm not. I'm out of here." Dallon said, already out the door before they could really protest.

 

~

 

With the help of a bunch of hungover losers, the house was clean in no time. So fast, in fact, that by the time they were done, it was still almost morally okay to call the pizza they were now eating "breakfast."

 

A sudden bing from Brendon's phone caught their attention.

"Who's calling you Balooney?" Tyler asked.

"No call. Text. I'm going to get some coffee with Dallon. He's waiting for me at that coffee shop near here." Brendon said, standing up and taking his jacket, "You guys keep up your fun, I'll see ya later."

They barely had time to say goodbye before Breadbin was out the door.

"Alright then." Josh said, taking another bite of his pizza.

"Anyone up for Mario Kart?" Mark asked.

" _Heck yes._ " Josh and Tyler said in unison, then laughed.

 

~

 

"Yes!" Tyler yelled as they passed the finish line, winning first place over the other two.

"Dang it!" Josh said as he came to a close second, although still better than Mark.

Josh sighed, watching Tyler bathe in their glory. Once they were done, the three of them leaned back, letting the thrill of the game chill for a bit.

 

"So..." Tyler said, breaking the silence, "You and Brendon, eh?"

 

Josh could have screamed. He's more surprised he didn't.

 

"You saw?" He croaked, burying his blushing face into his hands.

"Whaaat? _Nooooo_ , I didn't see you and Brendon take some shots and then make out as you walked into his r _ooooom_!" Tyler said dramatically, "And I _never_ could have guessed anyway even if I didn't already know by how you walked out of his room together, looking like you'd just fu-"

"Okay, okay, I get it! I'm not subtle." Josh said, somehow hiding into himself even more.

"Plus, you have hickeys all over you, dude." Tyler said jokingly. Or mockingly. Josh couldn't tell. All he wanted to feel was the crushing sensation of trying to suffocate himself via shoving his face in his hands.

"Josh, you're an adult. It's not that embarrassing." Mark said, but Josh just felt even more mocked by it.

"We're all queer assholes here, Josh. Tell us stuff." Ty said, "It's not like you're tainting our joint saint-like innocence or something, c'mon."

 

"So, are you and Brendon a thing or-" Mark started.

"No!" Josh said, practically jumping up, "No, no, no! No, no, nonononono! No!"

"Geez." Tyler said, smirking and staring at him, "Was he really that bad?"

"No! He's great. He _was_ great. H-he..." Josh put his head back into the more comfortable position of shoved into his palms until he felt pain, "Just... We're not a thing. That's not what that was meant to be. Just leave it. Please?"

Tyler put a comforting hand on his shoulder again, Mark just chuckling.

"I'm gonna get us some redbulls. Sound good? You two wait right here." Tyler said suddenly, standing up and leaving without another word.

Once Ty was out of ear range, Mark scooted over closer to him.

"Dude!" Mark whisper-yelled.

"I know, I know." Josh sighed.

"What the hell, man?!" He said, "What happened to the 'I'm in love with our roommate Tyler but I'm finally gonna tell them' plan?!"

"I know. I couldn't." Josh said, still not raising his head from his hands. He just raised his legs up on the couch so he could shove his face into those, too.

"So you hooked up with _Brendon Urie_ instead?"

"It was his idea." Josh tried to defend himself.

"That you went along with!" Mark pointed out, "...Actually, you know what? I don't think anyone would pass on a perfectly given opportunity to hook up with Brendon Urie if they got that chance. Good job."

Josh giggled, finally raising his head up, "Thanks?"

"You're welcome." Mark said, "But seriously, tell me when you're gonna give up on plans next time. What if I accidentally had said a joke or something that made Ty realize you like them before you got the chance to tell them yourself?"

Josh cringed at the thought.

"You might have made them jealous, though." Mark said. He didn't sound convinced, but he was trying. ("you tried" star for mark !!!!!)

"Who? Tyler?" Josh asked.

"No, Simba from The Lion King." Mark swatted his arm, "Who else?!"

"Right." Josh said, "Why do you think that?"

"Well, I was too drunk to be sure... or maybe Ty was? Either way, Ty didn't sound that exited when they told me about it last night." Mark said, "But maybe the memory is just foggy. When Ty brought it up now while you were trying to enter the void via your hands, their face was blank. Although,,,, they did hang out with Jenna later last night... I don't know, maybe not jealousy. Maybe Ty was just drunk and now they're just tired."

"You're... not.... _helpful_." Josh whined. "Everything you just said was pointless!"

"Well, what did you expect?" Mark asked, "A perfectly crafted, renaissance-style painting by _Drunk le Me_ , explaining the entire night and every emotion running through it?"

Josh shook his head, "I know you want me to tell them, but it won't help to get my hopes up with no real evidence. Ty most likely doesn't feel the same way, and I accept that. I'll tell them eventually, okay?"

They sat quietly after that.

 

"Did Tyler forget where the fridge is?" Mark said.

"No, I did not!" Tyler said, walking in just then.

"Were you spying on us?" Mark asked suspiciously.

"No, I literally just got here." Tyler said, and they sounded truthful, "Why? Were you insulting me?"

"Not even close." Mark said, throwing Josh a wink that he really hoped Tyler didn't see.

"Whatever." Ty said, giving them the redbulls.

"Dallon lives here, too, right?" Mark asked.

"Yeah." Tyler said. "I actually thought Brendon and Dallon were dating before Joshy did the thing."

"Are they?" Josh said, horrified. He did not want to deal with the consequences of being a homewrecker right now. Or ever.

"No!" Mark said, "They can't be! Dallon was at the party. Brendon would be dead if there were dating and he saw you two. Right?" Josh relaxed a little. (emphasis on "little")

"Also, I thought Brendon was dating his other roommate, Sarah?" Mark said.

"Nah, she's just his best friend." Ty said. "She's not even here right now, either. Apparently on some work-paid trip or something, I dunno."

 

"What happened to that Ryan guy?" Josh asked, which earned him a slap on the arm from Ty.

"What was that for?" Josh said.

"We don't talk about that."

"What, Ry-"

"Shh!" Tyler cut him off again. Mark was giggling in the back, watching all this happen.

"What happened to Ryan?!" Josh said, "Did he choke on milk and die in this house ? Geez man, enough with the shushing."

They ended up bickering for ages until they heard the front door open.

 

"Okay, I heard you fuckers talking about Ryan and just look, okay..." Brendon said the moment he crashed in, "I texted him last month. Actually, I met him at a Halloween party and he was in a gremlin costume and I didn't even recognize him at first. But I haven't-"

"Brendon." Dallon said, putting a hand on Brendon's arm, cutting him off. Probably saved them from a very long rant.

 

Mark threw a look Josh could only describe as " _yikes_ " at him and Ty, while Dallon and Brendon sat down at the table.

 

"So, um, anyway," Tyler said, "We were saying ?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well woopity woop woopis that was chapter two for y'all 
> 
> next chapter...... eventually 
> 
> til then !!!!


	3. The Mess Of All Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10% plot 90% bants™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not dead surprise 
> 
>  
> 
> it's been like ,, what ,,, two weeks since I posted a new chap ?? prolly whoops
> 
> anyway all of this was written on multiple different 2AM's bc that's the time I work most apparently 
> 
> tried me does shit 
> 
> expect nothing

 

Their day at the Urie house continued, surprisingly. They kept on playing games and having their usual fun...... Tyler also winning a lot more than any of them would ever admit.

  
They ended up ranting a lot about their old friends and lovers. And Brendon was a lot more bitter about Ryan than Josh realized. It was almost funny if it wasn't so depressing. (same)

 

Maybe things could be back to normal.

Maybe he could even follow up on that plan of telling Ty.

 

All in due time, right ?

He splashed his face with some water and turned the sink off.

All in due time.

 

"Ty, are you okay?" Mark was saying when Josh walked back in from the bathroom break he'd taken. He had no idea what Mark was referring to, but sat anyway, his focus now on Tyler who, for the most part, looked just as confused as Josh did.

"Fine. _Why_?" Tyler asked.

"Ever since Brendon and Dallon came back, you've just been staring at Beebo like he murdered your cat." Mark said. Josh looked over at where Brendon was, chatting about something he couldn't hear with Dallon on the normal table, instead of on the floor in front of the TV like the rest of them. (heathen.)

"I don't have a cat." Tyler said, "And I'm not!"

"We live together, Ty," Mark said, "you don't have to clarify that we don't own a cat."

"I want a cat." Josh added.

"We're not getting a damn cat!" Tyler said. "And I'm not staring angrily at Brendon!"

"So you admit you _were_ staring, just not angrily."

"There's nothing to stare at!" Tyler said, their voice getting louder, although obviously still trying to avoid getting heard by Brendon himself.

"Debatable," Mark shrugged.

 

"I didn't notice anything with Brendon." Josh said. (and yes, he's cringing at his attempts to join this conversation, too.)

"You noticed me plenty much last night." Brendon said, who at some point during their conversation had sat there with them, Dallon unseen. He must have left to the bathroom or something. "The bruises on my back spell 'Josh Dun was here, queer, and fucking amazing.'"

 

Josh wanted to die. He chose to awkwardly laugh instead.

 

"That's a whole lotta text to fit on your back, Beebo." Tyler said, "He should have left bruises somewhere bigger, like your forehead."

Josh and Mark snorted, Brendon looking jokingly offended.

"So anyway, what's the gossip about me?" Brendon said, "there's a reason Josh said he 'didn't notice anything', right?"

"Well, Tyl-" Mark started, but was cut off by Tyler slapping him in the arm.

"We were making fun of your hair." Ty said, "Really Breadbone, it's a mess."

"I think it's pretty." Josh said quietly, since it was the first thing that popped into his head. Tyler looked over at him with an expression Josh couldn't read. But whatever that face was, it faded into a smile.

"Whatever, man!" Ty said, chuckling.

"Speak for your own hair, egghead." Brendon said, mockingly running a hand through his noticeably-longer-than-Ty's hair.

"I shaved my head _one time_!" Tyler threw their hands in the air exasperatedly, "And it's grown back, if you're not blind."

Josh thought Ty still looked nice with the shaved head. He probably doesn't need to say that out loud too tough. Right ? 

  
"I wish I was blind, then I wouldn't have to see your face." Brendon said.

"Are you sure you're not already?" Tyler said back, "Because it seems like you've never actually looked at yourself in a mirror before."

"I may not be blind, but maybe if I was deaf I wouldn't have to hear your weak insults." Brendon said, earning and eye roll from Tyler.

"Oh, keep rolling your eyes, Tyty. Maybe you'll actually find a brain back there." Brendon said.

"How about instead of my brain, you go find the friends who left you ?" Tyler snapped back, Josh and Mark staring at them. 

Brendon's face completely dropped for a second in surprise, before going back to normal.

"And, what, you've never been left by friends before? Were Chris and Nick some illusion we all had?" Brendon said bitterly.

"Chris and Nick left because of career paths. Your friends, and whatever _Ryan_ was, got sick of you." Tyler said. That could maybe still be brushed off as a joke in normal circumstances..... If it weren't for how genuinely poisonous Ty's voice sounded.

Surprised, Josh put a hand on Tyler's shoulder to grab their attention, Ty looking back at him, their face almost immediately dropping into an 'oh shit maybe that's a little bit too far' expression.

 

"Excuse me, what was that ?" Dallon said, sitting next to Brendon, staring directly at Tyler.

"Yeah, uh, you two, I can't tell if you're still joking or not so I'm gonna intervene just in case you're not." Mark said, giving Tyler a look that basically said 'dude,,,,,' with exactly that many commas.

Josh didn't know how to help. He was just watching everything unfold and he was terribly confused.

  
"I... uh..." Tyler started, "You guys wants some redbull? I'll get us redbulls." Tyler got up, and the rest didn't protest.

  
"Should I... um...?" Josh mumbled, Mark understanding and nodding.

Josh stood up and followed Ty.

  
"Hey, Tyler, are-"

"Jenna's coming here in a bit." Tyler said, showing Josh their phone, where at the front he could see a text from her.

Josh just now noticed that Jenna was saved on Tyler's phone as " _Jenna <3_", which was equal parts disgusting, cute, and jealousy inducing. He wondered if Jenna wrote that there herself.

  
Tyler put their phone back in their pocket, crouching down to get some of the redbulls from the bottom of the fridge. "Can you help me with these?" They said.

"Sure." Josh replied, taking some, "Y'know, I've seen you and Brendon sass each other out, but that was kinda cold, man. We were already talking so much about his past friends and stuff, I was kinda surprised that you'd just..."

"It didn't sound as bad in my head." Tyler said, "I'm not mad at him or whatever Mark is suggesting."

  
Then what are you ? What are you if you're not mad, or jealous, or anything ?

"Alright." Josh said instead.

"Alright." Tyler smiled back, which shouldn't have affected Josh so much, looking at the conversation they were having, but it did.

 

Frustrating. That's what Tyler is. Frustrating and beautiful. Annoyingly beautiful. (insert as many positive adjectives here as you want, reader, because they all are right.)

 

"C'mon," Tyler said, gently bumping their shoulder to Josh's, "Let's give these to the other dudes."

Josh smiled, willing his heart beat to calm down.

 

"Hey, fuckers." Brendon greeted them warmly when they came back in. Tyler gave Brendon a redbull, exchanging some conversation that Josh couldn't hear, before they all had their drinks in their hands and all were on the floor together like one strange family.

 

~

 

"And I'm like, 'what the hell does that have to do with fucking aliens?' an-" Brendon was in the middle of saying before they heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it !" Tyler said, somehow already opening it what felt like barely a second later.

"Hello!" Jenna said, smiling widely. They all waved at her from the floor.

 

Tyler and Jenna had come into the room holding hands.

 

Which was fine.

 

That was fine.

 

Josh was fine.

 

There was ,,,, nothing,,,,,, that,,, could ,,, be,,,, anything,,,, but,, , ,,,, fine,,,,,.

 

It was just a detail that he..... noticed. Friends do that, too. Even if Tyler and Jenna weren't just friends that also fine, of course. Obviously. 

He looked down, taking a breath and moving his hand away from where he was impulsively scratching at his arm.

 

"Don't stop what you guys were talking about because of me !" Jenna said, "I'm sure I can catch up by context."

"Well, we were in the middle of talking about alien orgies, and plot holes in both porn and real life conversations. And porn _compared to_ real life conversation." Mark said. "So, uh, all caught up ?"

"Did Brendon start that topic ?" Jenna half-said, half-laughed.

"Sure did !" Brendon said, a grin on his face.

"Be proud of that." Tyler patted him on the back, Brendon gladly accepting it.

 

They continued their conversation, Josh slowly resting his head on Ty's shoulder. Tyler didn't question it, which he was thankful for.

 

"You think maybe aliens don't come on earth because they hear us saying these things and think we're creepy ?" Josh added after Brendon made a.......... questionable suggestive comment about the alien body.

"Maybe they just saw the movies we make of them and didn't like how we see them?" Jenna said, "They might think we're just disrespecting them on purpose."

"Oh my god, are we alien racist ?" Tyler said, laughing, "We're alien racist !"

"I thought you didn't believe in them." Brendon pointed out.

"Doesn't make us any less alien racist." Ty said, crossing their arms matter-of-factly.

  
"If aliens truly do live in a far away planet that isn't as suitable as earth, our assumptions of what they look like to adapt to those conditions shouldn't be seen as offensive, they're just fair guesses." Dallon said.

"Fuck off, smartass." Brendon said, pushing him slightly.

 

"Maybe they're just waiting several decades to respond because they don't want to look desperate." Jenna suggested.

"The human race is terrible, they should just avoid us." Dallon said, the others nodding (and laughing) in agreement. They were silent for a bit, before...

 

"What if the earth had aliens on it before, but then the two alien races of space and earth broke up and now the space aliens don't want to see the earth aliens?" Tyler said, "Kind of like Ryan and Brendon."

Brendon actually laughed that time, sobering up only to say "Fuck you, Tyler."

 

~

 

"You guys staying here tonight ?" Brendon asked, breaking Josh out of the train of thought he was in.

"I think so." Tyler said, "We don't really have lives anyway now that we have a break from work, so why not?"

 

"Well you're welcome to stay all week if that's what you want, we don't have much to do either." Brendon said, "Right, Dallon ?"

"I don't care," Dallon said, "Breezy called me, I'm spending the night at her place anyway."

"I'll show you to the door then. Like a true gentleman." Brendon said.

 

"Can you help me figure out if they're dating or not ? It's killing me." Josh said once the two in question had left the room.

"I'm down." Ty said, "Just... can I talk to you a minute ?"

"Yeah, what's up?" Josh said, turning to face them. "Should I get Mark and Jenna here, too?"

"No, its fine." Tyler said, "Sit."

"Oh." He said, surprised. He sat up on the couch with Ty, "Okay."

"Alright." Ty mumbled, putting their feet up on the couch.

 

"So, what's up ?" Josh said, Ty looking over and sighing.

 

"Well," Ty started. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know how aliens got into this but I'm not gonna question it 
> 
>  
> 
> anyway next chapychap eventually I hope


	4. The Piano Nerd Knows Something I Don't Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ty wants to tell josh something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back biches
> 
> also it's already june first wow 
> 
> happy pride month fellow gay folk 
> 
> and if ur 100% straight (which I doubt)...... this isn't about you go find another month 
> 
>  
> 
> anyway fic shit !!!!! have fun !!!!!

 

  
Tyler sighed, crossing their legs.

  
They'd been on the couch for what must have been less than a minute, but it felt agonizingly long. The longest "minute" he'd gone through in a while. Josh didn't have the slightest clue what Tyler could be about to tell him, which just made it so much worse to wait for.

 

"Gosh, it's so weird to just... get it out." Ty said, "It's like..... personal and stuff. That's always weird."

Josh nodded silently.

"It's not like... the biggest deal! I mean... kind of. And it's like... One moment it was nothing and then it was more like, wow ! ....I mean, it was never really _nothing_ nothing, but it wasn't like..." Ty said, motioning something with their hands. It seemed big. "Y'know?"

"Tyler, you haven't even told me what you're talking about yet."

"Right. Sorry." Ty said, putting their hands down on their knees. "So..."

 

"Did I miss anything ?" Brendon said, obliviously walking back into the room and cutting Tyler off. Well isn't that just fricking convenient to the weird plot Josh's day was in. He wanted to get up from the couch and kick Brendon on the shins. He didn't, but he wanted to. (it's the thought that counts ?)

"No." Ty said quickly, "It's nothing. Nothing to do with you, anyway. Sit with us."

"Well alright then." Brendon said, taking up the empty space between them, "Where are Mark and Jenna ?"

"Bathroom, I think." Josh said.

"Wow, are they dating, too, now?" Brendon joked, nudging the both of them in their respective stomachs with his elbows. Josh giggled, rubbing that spot.

"No. They're not." Ty said pointedly.

"I'm just joking around, loverbird. But we do only have two bedrooms and some couches here, so if you gave them a bedroom we could see if something blooms." Brendon winked at them. "You never know. They cou-"

"I'm taking the frickin' bedroom!" Ty exclaimed before Beebo could say anything else.

"I get a bedroom, too!" Jenna said, walking in just then.

"Well you two share it then, because I'm not giving up mine, this is my fucking house." Beebo said. "I will not sleep on the couch of my own house!"

Ty rolled their eyes.

"....unless of course, Sarah or Dallon force me to, that is." Brendon said more quietly, "They've got a significant emotional impact on my decisions."

"Wait, does that mean that I'm on couch again ?" Mark said, walking in right behind Jenna, sighing.

"Well, there's always Josh, but..." Brendon said, slowly putting his arm around him, rested enough so that Josh could shake it off if he wanted to, but he didn't. "He can share with me."

"Gross. The both of you." Tyler said.

"You're sharing with Jenna, I'm sharing with Josh, it's only fair." Brendon said, "If Josh is up for it, that is."

"I'm down." Josh shrugged, sparing a glance at Tyler who, disappointedly, looked unfazed by it. Josh wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it would have been better than complete apathy.

 

"As the single one here, I feel very left out in this conversation." Mark mumbled.

"We're not dating." Jenna, Tyler, and Josh somehow said at the same time. Although Brendon and Mark didn't seem to hear.

"Well Mark, I _would_ suggest sharing Dallon with us, but he left, so..." Brendon trailed off, "You'll have to deal with it."

Us ? Does that mean they _are_ dating, or was it just even more mixed into their jokes ? Frick, Tyler had wanted to talk right after Josh mentioned he wanted to find that out.

Josh needed to figure out what Tyler wanted to say. But he also wasn't going to just tell the others that Tyler and him had to leave the room to talk. He cringed at the very thought of explaining that. He was not in the mood for even mild confrontation. Not that he is ever.

He's gonna wait for Ty to do it. If Ty _does_ do it. (work with him here, alright ?)

 

"How about you decide if this couch is good enough for you to sleep on by watching a movie on it?" Brendon said to Mark, although partially directed at the rest of them, too.

"Depends on which one." Mark said, practically jumping on the couch that was next to them.

 

"You guys up for watching The Room ?" Josh asked.

"Man, that movie is frickin' terrible. Turn it on."

 

~

 

Josh wasn't paying much attention.

Making fun of The Room was great and all, but once again, surprisingly or not, all his attention was on Tyler.

Which. quite frankly, was also extremely awkward, since Brendon was sitting right in the middle of the two of them.

Tyler was, thankfully, always focused on the movie, but the same couldn't be said for ol' Beebo in the middle.

Every time Brendon looked over at Josh and noticed him staring at Ty, giving Josh a cocky look that he wanted to rip right off from his face, Josh died a little more inside.

He knew he should just pay attention to the movie instead of looking over at Ty so much. That way he'd enjoy it, _and_ he'd avoid Brendon's judgement. But he couldn't help it.

It was like... whenever he tried , he'd just find himself looking at Ty again. Partially because he couldn't stop thinking about what Ty wanted to tell him, and partially also 'cause of nice things. Like their cute, focused face. Their laughs and subtle smiles. Or even Ty's face when they'd imitate a silly line in the movie that they'd memorized to heart. It was so perfectly cheesy it was like a writer had staged it themselves.

 

"You're going to drill a hole in Ty's skull with that stare, Josh." Brendon whispered in Josh's ear, making him cringe back, in surprise more than anything. Josh regained his composure, now staring directly at Brendon.

"Fine. Give me a better distraction, then." Josh said, surprising even _himself_ with the words coming out of his mouth, but he wasn't going to complain about looking smooth for once in his life, either.

"Is that a challenge ?" Brendon smirked back, putting a finger at the bottom of Josh's chin, raising his head just slightly. Just enough so that they were still staring eye to eye. Or eye to mouth, every so often.

Josh placed his hand in Brendon's hair, pulling him just a little closer.

 

"Look, if you two are planning to fuck in front of all of us, can we please just go to bed ?" Mark said, breaking Josh and Brendon out of whatever it was that they were doing, "You're burning my eyes out of their sockets. I'd rather sleep on the couch."

"Well, the rooms we're sleeping in are settled then." Tyler said, nudging Mark, who sighed. Again.

"Get outta my room, then." Mark crossed his arms.

"You don't own my house." Brendon said.

"I own this room now." Mark said, pushing Brendon slightly, "Out."

"Fine. Joshy and I were in the middle of something, anyway." He said, pulling Josh towards him.

 

"Actually, about that, could I borrow Josh a minute ? You guys can go to your rooms or whatever, we know where we're supposed to go." Tyler said.

"Yeah, I'll join you later." Josh said to Beebo, walking out of the room with Tyler.

 

They'd gone into one of bathrooms together, Tyler still hesitating to say anything for a while until they were sure the other's had gone to their respective rooms. Or as sure as they could be by listening through a door, anyway.

 

"You've kinda been freaking me out, Ty." Josh said honestly. "It's hard to focus on movies and silly things when you want to tell me something."

"I know, I'm sorry." Tyler said, leaning onto the bathroom sink, "It's nothing to worry about, really. It's just... I don't know."

"If this is something fricking obvious, I'll make sure you pay, Ty-Ty." Josh joked. Ty smiled at that.

"Hey! How obvious it is is entirely subjective to how much you notice." Ty said, "I don't know how much you noticed."

"That's fair." Josh shrugged.

 

"So, anyway..." Ty said, sitting on the sink. It was surprisingly sturdy. "I... um...."

"You can tell me anything." Josh said quietly, putting a hand on Ty's shoulder.

"Don't be like that, you're making it seem like I'm about to tell you I'm gay, or dying." Tyler said, "Both of which you already know to be somewhat true, as I'm queer and dead inside."

Josh laughed, "Okay, fine. What's the deal ?"

 

"Josh... I..." Ty started, taking a deep breath and closing their eyes. Josh didn't say anything back this time.

"I think I'm in love with Jenna." Ty said quickly.

 

Josh's heart sank. He could feel his smile fading and his hand slipping down from where it was still on Ty's shoulder, but he was still in what seemed like a daze. Not a good daze, either.

He wasn't .... surprised ? But it wasn't what he was fully expecting either. He wasn't sure what he _was_ expecting.

  
"Oh." Josh said, regaining his composure and looking at Tyler like it didn't faze him. Might have been too late for that, but he tried anyway, "I just said not to tell me something obvious." He joked halfheartedly.

Tyler laughed, "Was it really ?"

"Lil bit." Josh motioned with his hands.

"Dang it."

 

"So, how long ?" Josh asked.

"How.... long ?" Ty repeated back, standing up from the sink and looking back at him.

"Well, your feelings for her didn't just pop up right now, did they?" Josh said, leaning on the door.

" _That's the thing_ ! They... kind of _did_ , actually." Tyler confessed, smiling softly. It was such a pure, happy smile that Josh actually blushed from looking at it.

"I said it earlier, it was never like .... _nothing_. Ever since I met her and my voice cracked when I tried to compliment her, I felt like she could be ... something, you know ?" Tyler said, looking up and the smile growing bigger, eyes looking like they were in the middle of a pleasant thought, "But I kind of just suddenly realized that I love her ? It's a bit scary, honestly. But I knew I could tell you first."

"That's.... wow." Josh remarked. He didn't really know how to react, but he was repressing his own feelings to comfort Tyler's. Like any friend should do.

"Yeah." Tyler said back, "Can you help me? With her, I mean. I'm not sure how she feels and I just... I don't know. I'm usually a lot better with words than this."

"Of course I'll help. Just, um, help me figure out if Brendon and Dallon are dating, like you promised before!" Josh joked around, making light of the situation.

"Totally, man." Tyler laughed, "We should go to bed for tonight, though. It's getting late."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm using this bathroom a minute, but you can go to your room with Jenna." Josh said, opening the bathroom door for them, "Goodnight, Ty."

"Night, Joshy." Tyler said, leaving and closing the door behind them. Josh locked it once Ty was out.

 

He didn't stay in there long. Just enough to let some of it out. He was a mess. Looked like one, too.

He should go to bed. He didn't want to think about it anymore.

 

When he opened the door to Brendon's room, he saw him standing there, fiddling with some things on the desk. His eyes turned to Josh, a look of concern creeping into his face when he saw him.

 

"You alright?" Brendon asked. Josh just shrugged half-heartedly, saying nothing but a soft hum in return.

"Can I help in any way?" Brendon stepped a little bit closer to him. The sympathy on his face was almost annoying, but he could overlook that.

"Can I kiss you?" Josh asked.

"Trouble in love land ?" Brendon joked, but not cockily, just... nicely. He put a hand on Josh's arm, too.

"Something like that." He said, leaning a bit closer and wrapping his arm around Brendon's waist. Brendon was technically the one who initiated the kiss after that. Not that it really changed anything.

 

They , unsurprisingly , ended up tied around each other on the bed. Again.

 

He needed to stop doing that. There are better ways to deal with things.

 

Still.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


	5. I Did It I Did It I Did It Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh , josh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey still not dead 
> 
> srry it's been more than two weeks now whoops 
> 
> anyway I wrote another chapchap and I've re-read and re-wrote it so many times that it this point I hate it with my entire heart and soul 
> 
> but I do hope you enjoy 
> 
> have a fun read , biches

 

  
They climbed off each other, breathing heavily. Now side-by-side, Josh raised his hand and intertwined it with Brendon's, earning a soft, tired smile from him.

 

"You are amazing, spooky jim." Brendon chuckled breathlessly, squeezing his hand a little bit. Josh giggled back.

"That's... goodness, I can't look at that nickname the same again now."

"Doesn't Ty call you that a lot?" Brendon asked, Josh nodded, humming in return.

"Now every time they do, I'll think of your dumb face."

" _Nice_." Brendon said, Josh pushed him lightly with his free hand.

"Not nice!" He giggled again, "I don't wanna think about you every time ! It'll be distracting. Get your dumb face out of my nickname."

"That's face-ist." Brendon chuckled.

"You're facei... that doesn't make any sense." Josh trailed off. "Whatever, you suck."

"Yeah, I did." Brendon winked, Josh almost pushed him off the bed.

By 'almost pushed him off the bed' he doesn't just mean he just thought about it this time. He means he actually tried, Brendon screaming in a pitch almost as high as his vocal range, but sadly, holding on to him tightly enough so they'd have both fallen if Josh had succeeded. He decided falling on the floor with no clothes on and the weight of an entire tall glass of Brendon was not worth it. Not this time.

"Don't yell, you'll wake the others."

"Don't push me off the fucking bed, then." Beebo said, "That should be common sense." Josh half shrugged at that.

"At least we're on a bed, unlike Mark, who we left on the couch." Josh said, "With so little rooms to sleep, what would we have done if Dallon was here, too ?"

"Well, looking at the fact that I'm fuckin' dating him, I'd assume he'd be in this bed with me," Brendon said, "Debatable on if you would, though. I'd have to ask him."

"You're dating?!" Josh's head snapped up, "Wait , but we-"

"Yeah." Brendon said, "Don't worry, he knows. I wouldn't cheat, god no. We're just chill with this kind of thing as long as the other person is told about it before or after it happens. Or even during, if we're also dating someone else. Like Dallon and Breezy."

"Oh." Josh said, "Do relationships like that.... actually work out?"

"Varies." Brendon shrugged, "I always wonder how long he'll put up with me. Why, anyone specific in mind?" Brendon wiggled his eyebrows at him.

"Tyler's in love with Jenna." Josh blurted out. He didn't mean to, he knows that Ty probably didn't want to share it, but it just happened. He wanted to slap himself.

"So that's why you were so grim before..." Brendon roughly gestured at themselves, "......this."

"Yeah." Josh chuckled sadly, "I should deal with things better, but I don't. Not that you're not good or anything! Of course you are, it's just...."

"You don't have to explain." Brendon said, raising himself with his elbows, looking down at Josh who was still laying on the bed. "Now... the thing about a relationship like ours is that ... you really need to talk it out. Everything should be established. Boundaries, comfort, anything you need to talk about, fuckin' do because it'll mess you up later if you don't. You all should be happy and in agreement."

Josh felt like he was at one of those generic movie therapists. Also a nudist therapist. That he'd just fucked. He raised himself up as well to slightly avoid that feeling, so now they were both in a sitting position on Brendon's bed.

"I told Ty I'd help them tell Jenna they're in love with her." Josh said, sighing and bringing his knees closer to his chest, "I don't really know how I feel about that."

"Well, I was just going to say that jealousy is also really bad if you think you have a chance to have a relationship like ours, so..." Brendon trailed off, letting Josh think about it for himself.

"I.... I had the feeling Ty might love Jenna for a while now. You can call it jealousy, I guess. I don't know. I'm almost used to it by now." Josh rambled, "Tyler said they love Jenna. Even if Ty isn't poly and even if any of this _doesn't_ happen and... a-and I never use your advice, Ty is my _best friend_. I don't want to mess that up just 'cause I caught feelings. And I know that intentionally messing up with Jenna or trying to stop their relationship is just... mean. I don't wanna do that. But I don't know how I feel about helping, either."

Josh rubbed at his eyes. He felt kinda silly. Ranting and getting all emotional and Srs Bsnss™ about the person he loved who, like any cliché story, loved someone else, to the person he'd fucked, at who knows what ungodly hour of the night. How many people can say they did exactly that in their life ?

Brendon patted him a little. Josh appreciated that.

After a few minutes of silence, once the two of them had laid back down, Josh broke it by asking "What time is it ?"

"Like.... 3AM, I think." Brendon said, "Not _too_ late for some more rounds if you're up for it."

"Brendon, you're great, and so was all of this, but I'm so tired I could mistake your hand for a foot." Josh said, him cuddling up and resting his head on his chest, "And other things."

"A foot is quite a generous size to mistake me for, Joshy."

"Go to sleep."

"Yessir."

 

~

 

Josh woke up tired, as he usually does. He hadn't actually sleep much. Too much thinking to sleep. He'd maybe gotten an hour of solid sleep max. _Better than none_ , he thought.

It was really early, so naturally, Brendon was still there, wrapped around him and giving him some sense of coziness and warmth. Dead asleep. Possibly actually dead. That would be one hell of a problem, wouldn't it ?

Josh raised himself up, carefully releasing Brendon's hold on him, and stretched, groaning when his bones cracked. His shoulders hurt, but he could deal with that. Massaging that area didn't help whatsoever, though. Frick.

He really needed to take a shower.

Josh got up, not really thinking about himself or his surroundings, too tired to really think, and walked to the bathroom. He only bumped into four things, which felt like a pretty good achievement for him right now.

The door of the bathroom was unlocked, but for some reason he could see light peeking out from the bottom. Maybe someone forgot it on ?

He turned the handle, only to be greeted by Tyler brushing their teeth in , of course, the most fanciest of all PJ's, aka covered in dinosaurs.

"Hey, Jo-" Tyler looked over, doing a double take, then spitting the toothpaste out of their mouth so they could speak more clearly, "Why are you naked ?" Tyler looked him up and down a few times, as if trying to process the sight in front of them.

Josh looked down at himself, partially surprised, mostly apathetic. He was exhausted beyond human comprehension. He didn't even notice his lack of clothing before now. Somehow.

"I... don't know. I didn't notice." Josh shrugged.

Tyler slowly picked up the nearest towel, handing it to him. Josh accepted it with a nod and halfassedly wrapped it around himself. It was loose, and fell down a bit at his hips, but any coverage is better than none, right?

"Are you drunk? _This early_?" Ty chuckled.

"Sadly, no." Josh said, rubbing his tired eyes. Being drunk would be better than having to think right now. About Jenna, about Ty, about the fact he was even awake right now, instead of getting the sleep his body so desperate needed, and yet never gave him. Or dead. Dead works, too.

He didn't say any of that out loud. Just left Tyler staring at him in an awkward silence.

 

Why was he here again ?

 

Oh , right.

 

"Tyty, I need to take a shower, are you done yet?" He asked, yawning.

"Yeah, I'm out." Tyler said, rinsing their mouth and putting the brush down, "I see you had fun with Brendon."

Josh was too tried to cringe at that like he normally does. Yeah, they fucked. Now he wanted to sleep for three weeks. _Whatever_.

"I see you didn't with Jenna." Josh remarked instead.

"How do you know I didn't just clean myself off nicely ?" Tyler said, "Maybe I'm just not as much of a mess as you are."

"First off, rude. Second off, you'd have texted me about it before I even thought about opening the door to this bathroom." Josh pointed out, "Unless for some reason you decided not to tell me?"

"Fine. We did nothing. But you still said you'd help me ask her out so..." Tyler crossed their arms.

Ugh, he did, didn't he ?

It felt like a distant memory, but somehow it was only yesterday. Time is an illusion.

"Whatever, man." Josh smiled forcibly and punched them lightly.

"Also," Tyler started while walking out of the door, "Looking like a mess suits you. It's kinda hot."

And the door was closed in his face.

He caught his breath, blushing deeply. What the frick.

He was no stranger to Ty seeing him naked (long story) , but did Ty just call him 'hot' ? Right after re-asking him to help with asking Jenna out ?

Why is his life so weird.

He put himself right under the shower head, letting that kind of annoying but partially peaceful feeling of the water spraying directly on his face be the only thing he was thinking about.

It.... partially worked. Not that it really matters what he thinks or does when he's by himself in the shower. ( *tyler in that one interview voice* "josh actually drums in the shower. well, he's doing _something_ in there and it's repetitive.")

Getting out didn't even cross his mind until he heard a loud knock at the door, followed by a muffled Mark's disgruntled voice, asking him to get out and give him his turn.

 

"You know there's more than one bathroom here, right ?" Josh asked, stepping out in his towel, Mark immediately taking the bathroom and 'gently' pushing him out of it.

"Jenna took it. Shoo."

Josh shook his head, chuckling as he walked back to Brendon's room to get the clothes he somehow forgot to put on.

Brendon threw a shirt at him right as he walked in, falling right on his face and causing Josh to trip both in shock and because of something on the floor he couldn't see, yelling as he fell and accidentally slamming the door shut behind him. He winced, but otherwise didn't even try to get himself out the the situation.

"Okay," Brendon laughed at him, "how the fuck did you manage to do that?"

Josh groaned from the floor, letting out nothing but a betrayed , " _Why_?"

"Saw you leave the room ass naked so I thought you'd want your shirt at least when you came back."

"Ah, yes, the traditional face shirt." Josh said, removing said shirt from said face, and finally standing back up, "Exactly what I needed."

Brendon shrugged, "So anyway, did anyone see you on your adventure as a nudist for an hour?"

"Just Ty, but they know what I look like naked, so it's not a big deal."

"Care to elaborate ?" Brendon said, raising his eyebrows.

"No."

"Pfft, you're boring."

" _You're_ needy." Josh said, plopping face-down on the bed, "And _I'm_ tried. Only wake me for emergencies."

"Does Tyler doing anything whatsoever count as 'emergency' ?"

"Probably"

"Well then Tyler is currently probably breathing, so get up and help 'em."

"Fuck off, Brendon."

 

Brendon let him be after that.

Josh woke up again later, to an empty bed at 12PM. He remembered to put on at least some boxers, and maybe the shirt that had caused him to fall on the floor.

Thankfully so, too, as once he left the room, everyone else was already awake and chatting away on the floor, eating some pancakes. When did they even have time to make all those ?

Josh sat next to Ty, Tyler in turn getting closer to him.

"Mornin'" He said to everyone, them all nodding and smiling in return.

"I see you put on your clothes this time." Tyler whispered in his ear. Josh pushed Ty off. He'd been so tired he couldn't even tell if that had been a dream or not when he first woke up from the second 'nap'. Guess this answers that, then ?

"Whatever, man." He laughed, "It's not like you didn't know what I look like naked, anyway."

"That's fair." Tyler chuckled. They didn't mention that day a lot, but it wasn't too awkward either. It was kind of funny in the long run, really.

Tyler turned back to where they were looking at Jenna talking, a look of fondness on their face. Josh barely even heard her. (Which was rude of him, honestly. The least he could do is listen! Sorry, Jenna. He loves her, _but Tyler though_.)

"What d'you think , Joshy ?" He heard Tyler say. Josh's head snapped up and he blushed in embarrassment.

"I... I don't know what you're talking about." Josh stuttered, "Got lost in thought."

"Distracted ?" Tyler teased.

 

"Something like that."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, I sure love seeing you guys suffer 
> 
> next chapter will hopefully come sooner than it's taking me to write the ones so far yikes
> 
>  
> 
> please COMMENT to keep ur local writer ALIVE it's the only thing that heals my tainted soul


	6. We Both Know You'd Already Win

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh just wants tyler to be happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like.... every two weeks is becoming a schedule for me because that's what I keep accidentally doing whoops 
> 
> anyway 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the new chapter, have fun!!!! 
> 
> or suffer 
> 
> also that

 

  
'Help Tyler ask out Jenna!', he told himself.

  
'It's the nice thing to do!', he told himself.

  
'It won't hurt that much...", he lied to himself. He knew he was lying to himself.

 

But still.

 

'Losing Tyler's friendship would hurt more.', he said to himself, truthful this time. Or at least, he felt it must be true. Right ?

What's worse, seeing Tyler's fond face pointed directly at Jenna, and only her, or not seeing it at all ?

 

"Maybe we can all go to a coffee shop or restaurant and then you can ask her out after? Like, first all of us go, and then you say to go out again with just you two." Josh suggested half-assedly, trying to sound more enthusiastic about all of it than he actually was. He knew it would probably work, because he'd done that before. Might as well give good advice, right?

Tyler smiled bright, a look that almost made everything worth it, "That could work!"

"It will." Josh put a hand on Ty's shoulder, directly avoiding Tyler's gaze, which was the last thing he felt like meeting right now, "I'm sure."

"Thanks, Spooky Jim." Ty said. Josh remembered Brendon and giggled. Tyler didn't question it.

"Hey, since we're going to this coffee shop all together, maybe we can find out if Brendon and Dallon are dating, like _I_ promised I'd do in return for your help with Jenna!" Tyler said with a big smile, obviously proud to be such a help. They were adorable and Josh could actually rant about them for hours. No joke.

But...

"Actually... about that..." Josh started, scratching the back of his neck, "I actually already figured it out."

"What the hell! When?"

"We were in bed together and I mentioned how Mark was on a couch and asked about where Dallon would have slept if he hadn't left and he said he'd have slept together with him because they're dating and apparently they're polyamorous." Josh said, not taking a breath between any of it. He didn't really feel like making a discussion out of it right now.

"Oh." Tyler said, "Nice."

"Do you ever think you could be part of a poly relationship?" Josh said, quite obviously hinting but also maybe not. That's for you to judge, obviousness is really subjective to how much you notice.

"I don't see why not. I think I might be poly myself." Tyler shrugged, "I don't know with who, though. I'm struggling enough at getting _one_ partner."

Josh screamed internally.

"Trust me, I'm normally lonelier than you are and yet I managed to get caught up in one." Josh joked back, instead of externally screaming like he wished he could do instead. Tyler laughed, an amazing sound that sent warmth through Josh as well.

"You're all red in the face." Tyler pointed at him, but Josh already knew that.

"You're all pretty in the face." Josh said back.

"Gross."

Josh giggled.

"Can we go out now ?"

"Yeah, let's tell the others."

 

~

 

They all decided to drive in two separate cars to the restaurant. Brendon and Dallon in one, Tyler, Josh, and Jenna in the other.

Mark hadn't come along with them. He'd just packed and went home to the apartment that they shared (Mark, Josh, Tyler), that was just a bit farther away from Brendon's. They'd been sleeping at Brendon's for a while, so it was understandable that he just wanted to go home. Josh kind of did, too.

Instead, though....

 

"Well aren't you having fun back there." Tyler remarked, snapping Josh out of his focus on some random game he was playing on his phone. It was giving him mild motion sickness, but he didn't care. He'd sat in the back of the car, dealing with his headache, and just let Ty and Jenna have their conversations by themselves... until now, obviously.

"Are we there yet?" Josh asked.

"'Are we there yet?'" Tyler repeated, chuckling, "We're going to a restaurant, not Disneyland."

"It's not that fancy of a restaurant."

"That is _not_ the point."

"The fanciest looking thing we're probably going to get in there is if they put toothpicks in the middle of the sandwiches."

"I get it, Josh."

Jenna just sat there in her seat and giggled as the two of them rambled their way to their destination.

 

"Well, hello there." Brendon greeted flirtily when Josh came out of the car. They'd arrived before the rest of them, Brendon's arm linked with Dallon's as they waited for Josh And Friends™.

"We ready to go in?" Tyler asked.

"Yeah, just link arms with your date, fit in with the rest of us!" Beebo said as he linked his free arm with Josh's. Josh didn't complain.

Tyler blushed, removing their hands from the pockets of their dress and let their arm open for Jenna to decide. She obliged. Tyler smiled at her, Ty's dress flowing a little bit as they happily walked in, the others following them.

 

They found a nice six-person table where they could all sit together, leaving one seat empty where Mark should have been. Jenna and Tyler were on one side, Josh and his dates on the other. Tyler was facing Josh at one end of the table, Jenna facing Brendon in the middle seats, and Dallon on the other end of the table, facing the empty seat, but he didn't seem to mind.

 

"Man, we are the queerest one's here, aren't we?" Brendon joked, looking at the tables around them.

"That's.... kind of terrifying, knowing how people can be." Josh muttered, his eyes scanning the room full of generic couples.

"If anyone wants to try shit, they don't stand a chance."

"It's okay guys, no one is gonna be doing any fighting today." Jenna said, "Order something. Let's have some fun!"

They all ended up ordering slightly different types of sandwiches. Josh was right, it was as close to fancy as this place got. (for a place that wasn't a sandwich store, they sure didn't have that many other good options....)

 

"So, are you two dating yet?" Brendon asked Ty and Jenna, who blushed. Josh nearly choked on his bite, but thankfully went unnoticed by the others.

"We... uh...." Both Jenna and Ty seemed to look over at Josh, with a look on their faces that screamed 'help'. Josh didn't particularly want to think about their relationship either, so helping them was the least he could do, even for himself.

"The real question is, when did _you two_ start dating?" Josh directed the question at Brendon and Dallon, who seemed unfazed.

"A few years ago." Dallon said, "I met Breezy just a bit after, too, and that's how we told each other we were poly, and it's been great since then."

"And then Joshy came along." Brendon said to Tyler more than anyone else, "I can't complain one bit."

Josh laughed as Beebo put an arm around him, while also looking to see if Ty reacted in any way. But still, nothing. Just a smile on their face. Ty never seemed to mind.

Not that they really had a reason to. Ty was in love with Jenna. They had no reason to mind his relationships. Josh really needed to get that in his head.

"I mean... we aren't exactly dating, but still." Brendon said, Josh nodding in agreement. "It's a thing."

"A.... thing ?" Tyler said.

"You have any better description, loverbird?" Brendon teased. Ty shrugged and raised their hands in defeat.

"Fuckbuddies?" Tyler suggested after a short pause.

"Oh, gosh. Kind of."

"Whaaaat?" Brendon said dramatically, "is that all you think of me?"

"Semi-dating?" 

"That's better." 

They all laughed, and once it died down, their table immediately went right back to pointless conversation.

 

It was ever so subtle, but Josh noticed how Tyler and Jenna's hands were inching closer together on the table. It was disgustingly cheesy, Tyler doing that thing where you raise your pinky just a little bit so you can connect it with the other person's. It was like something straight out of a movie. (except maybe not... because truly, when was the last time you saw a nonbinary character in a movie?) (weird genderless aliens/creatures _don't_ count.)

Josh looked away, staring at the floor, hoping he was processing the conversation enough without having to look at them.

It worked for a while.

'a while'

 

"Josh?" He heard Jenna say faintly, what could have been an eternity, or maybe just a few minutes later, "You okay?"

He snapped his head up, looking at her. "Yeah, m'fine, why?" Josh said, looking around their table. Apparently Jenna was the only one who'd noticed something off with him, because the rest looked just as surprised at Jenna as he did.

"You just look pale." Jenna said. Josh cringed at how her concern had caused the table to go silent, all their attention on him. He absolutely hated it.

"I'll just go to the bathroom a sec." he said, mostly just to get himself out of the situation. He left as fast as he could walk without it seeming weird in a restaurant.

He walked into the unisex bathroom and went to the nearest sink, splashing water onto his face. Well, that experience was the worst few seconds he'd had in a while.

 

"Hey, Jenna." He said softly when he heard the door open again. Jenna stood there, as he'd expected, looking sympathetic. She was too nice. It was almost too much sometimes.

"Is it Tyler?"

"Tyler what?"

"Is Tyler why you've been so sad lately?" Jenna said, stepping a bit closer, but keeping her distance, "You're not very good at hiding emotion, Joshy." She wasn't mocking him, though. 

He shrugged, holding his hands tightly on the edges of the sink and letting his head drop. He saw his knuckles turn white, but he just held tighter.

"It's nothing." He said, Jenna putting her hand on his and stopping him from hurting himself by grasping too hard at the sink.

"Josh."

"Tyler loves you." He said, smiling sadly at her, "And rightly so."

Jenna smiled back at him, "Tyler loves you too, you know."

"Not the way _I_ do." Josh sighed, Jenna put her hand on his shoulder in an attempt at comfort. It didn't help much, but it was appreciated nonetheless.

"Don't worry about me." Josh chuckled, "I can live with it. Go out and get 'em."

"But Josh..."

"This is _your_ night, Jenna." He said, "I suggested Ty do this so they could ask you out after. Hell, I would have gone home with Mark if I hadn't agreed to a 'double date'. This isn't about me."

Jenna was silent for a while, just staying there with him. It was pointless, really. They weren't waiting for anything. The two of them just... stayed.

"Is Ty polyamorous?" Jenna asked.

"Yea, but that doesn't change anything." Josh said, "Ty's gotta be interested, too."

"And you know they're not because...?"

"I already brought it up. Sort of. Ty said they didn't know who else they could possibly date. To my face, Jenna."

"Ouch, cold."

"Yeah, a bit." Josh laughed, "C'mon, let's just go and see if Ty manages to ask you out without stuttering this time. We can figure me out later, okay?"

"If you promise to tell me things." Jenna said, "I care about you, y'know?"

"Alright." Josh said. "Five dollars says they'll stutter half of the words."

"Deal."

 

"You feeling better, Josh?" Ty said as soon as they walked back to the table. Josh shrugged, going back to his seat.

The conversation turned back to normal, without too many comments about his health, which he was thankful for.

And before you ask, yes, he did notice how Ty and Jenna got closer to each other, how their hands connected and went under the table for the sake of as little people seeing it. Just because he wanted to best for them, doesn't mean he didn't notice them.

 

It was time to leave before they knew it, and they were getting out, going to their separate cars.

"See you at your place." Josh said to Brendon and Dallon.

"Still no luck with Ty?" Brendon asked, Josh sighed.

"They're about to ask Jenna out. And I know she'll agree. But, we'll see how it works out for me, just.... leave it for now." Josh leaned in, waiting to see if he was okay with it. Brendon nodded, and Josh quickly kissed him, before waving goodbye and going back to the car in which Jyler and him would leave in.

 

"A-and, I was-s hoping at m...maybe _we_ could go out some-sometime? Y-y'know, j-just us two." He hears Ty saying as he walked closer.

"Sure." Jenna laughed, holding Ty's hand in hers, "It's a date."

Tyler smiled, that big bright smile that Josh could never get enough of.

Once Jenna spotted him, she reached into her pocket and gave him five dollars.

"Did you guys... _bet on me_?" Tyler asked, surprised.

"I said if you stutter half of your words she'd have to give me five." Josh said proudly, putting them in his pocket. Tyler blushed, going into the car and waiting for the rest to join.

"Good job, Jenna."

"For.... what? I lost the bet."

"You scored Tyler."

"Tyler scored me."

"You're absolutely right." Josh chuckled, "Make sure to tell them that."

 

Tyler drove them all the way to Brendon's, before saying, "Should we actually sleep here again? Or should we go home? We're not that far away."

"You could go home with Jenna, and I'll stay here another night." Josh said, "Enjoy the fact you're dating now."

Really, he just didn't want to be with them for a little while. He wanted to process he'd be a third wheel, before he'd actually have to experience it.

"Okay." Tyler reluctantly agreed, "see you tomorrow, then?"

 

"Yeah." Josh said, "Yeah."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this won't end bad but I am also here to make you suffer so 
> 
>  
> 
> also I love josh/jenna friendship okay and you can take that from my cold, dead hands 
> 
>  
> 
> (please COMMENT to make a writer live okay) 
> 
> (do I have to chain mail you guys into commenting I am desperate)
> 
> (COMMENT or if you've ever written anything in your life you'll feel that draining feeling of no feedback)


	7. Stall Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had anyone been noticing that al my chapters are titled with panic! references because that's been a bitch to keep up 
> 
>  
> 
> anyway I keep not posting , sorry about that 
> 
> this was actually finished a week prior I was just never happy while editing and I still don't feel fully happy but I also don't know how to change it so,,, here's this I hope it's good 
> 
> have fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

"Hello again, Josh." Brendon greeted happily at the door, "Where are Ty and Jenna?"

Josh opened his mouth, about to say something, before closing it again and breathing heavily.

They're...

Well....

He didn't really want to explain.

Or think.

"C-can I spend the night?" He said softly, almost a whisper, his eyes burning. He really didn't want to cry right now, and he felt if he spoke any more than that he probably would.

"Yeah. Of course." Brendon said, hesitantly putting an arm around him, unsure if Josh was comfortable with it right now. Josh let him, though.

Brendon lead the two of them to the couch, where they sat cross-legged. Josh was silent, Brendon holding his hands in his, facing each other.

His head felt too heavy to hold. He let it fall down, too tired to really even keep the lids of his eyes open, but he didn't want to sleep, either. He stared at their intertwined hands, faintly feeling Brendon moving his thumb across his knuckles.

He didn't even realize he had fallen forward until he felt Brendon's arms wrap around him, holding him both for comfort and for the sake of him not falling off the couch in his state.

"There's still the chance that..."

"That they love me?" Josh said, cutting Brendon off mid-sentence, "Please, just don't. If they loved me, they would have said it already. I mean, they told Jenna! How am I any different?"

Brendon stayed silent, thinking.

"You thought they loved Jenna for a long time, right?"

"Yeah, so?" Josh growled.

"But then when Ty told you about their love for her, you mentioned that Tyler actually just realized they loved her, right? Like, all of the sudden, out of the blue, after years of knowing her?"

Josh whined under his breath. He didn't know how any of this was relevant but it wasn't making him feel any better.

"Sorry, just... Look, maybe Ty hasn't told you because they still haven't realized it yet." Brendon clarified, "That's what I mean by the Jenna thing."

"Let it go. I don't wanna think about this right now." Josh said. He would have raised his head to say it if his bones didn't feel like melted butter right now.

Brendon ran a hand through his hair, pushing away a bit of it just to kiss him on the forehead. Josh would have smiled at it, but he felt too tired.

"Exhausted." Was the only thing he managed to get out after a long pause.

"Mentally or physically?"

"Both." He said at the same time as Brendon asked, "Both?". He chuckled a bit at that.

"Wanna drink something, tired boy?"

"Sure. If you get it." Josh replied, groaning a little bit when Brendon got up and laid him down on the couch alone.

Once Brendon came back, Josh forced himself up, now sitting on the couch, but still balancing himself by resting his elbows on his knees.

"Where's Dallon?" Josh said when Brendon gave him a shot glass filled to the brim. He downed it immediately.

"In the shower. Wonder if we can get drunk by the time he gets out?" Brendon winked.

"Is that a good idea?"

"Is anything we do while heartbroken a good idea?"

Josh shrugged. He was honestly not that opposed to it right now.

 

It wasn't very much later when he heard a surprised "Well, hello there." come from somewhere near the door.

He looked up to see Dallon, still in a towel, walk into the living room. Josh waved at him, not really knowing what else to do.

"Tyler?" Dallon asked them.

"Tyler." They agreed simultaneously.

"You think you would learn better methods of helping Josh with heartache." Dallon shook his head.

"I don't learn. One of my issues." Brendon said, downing another shot.

"And I'm guessing I'm the sober one who will keep you two out of danger? What's that called?" Dallon asked, sitting next to them.

"The dad friend?" Josh suggested.

"The daddy friend." Brendon giggled.

"I'm letting the both of you die." Dallon decided, standing back up again. Brendon grabbed onto the edge of Dallon's towel that he could reach, Dallon's hand tightening around it so that it wouldn't fall.

"What if I took my shirt ooooff?" Brendon said, staring up at him.

"How is that correlated?"

"It will make you stay."

"Why, exactly?"

"Cause." Brendon shrugged. Josh chuckled and just agreed with him. He wouldn't mind a shirtless Brendon right now.

"No one's asking you to take your shirt off. Stop volunteering to take your shirt off." Dallon said, sitting back down, exasperated at his drunk boyfriend.

"Can't hear you, shirt's over my ears." Brendon said, throwing it to the side once it was off.

"I don't get paid enough for this." Dallon sighed, scooting closer.

"For what?"

Dallon just gestured vaguely at everything.

"You don't get paid at all!" Brendon said.

"Exactly the problem." Dallon said, "I'm tempted to leave to Breezy's."

"Once she moves back in here next month, you can't escape me! Haha!" Brendon teased. Dallon sighed.

"When does Sarah come home again?" Brendon whined, laying down on him, "I miss heeeer.... She's like basically my wife."

"She's your best friend."

"Wife...!"

"Speaking of girlfriends and best friends!" Josh cut in. He was way too drunk to not be included in this conversation right now, "Tyty and Jenna are probably being all cute... and shit... right now!"

"Yeah, we knooow! That's why you're drunk with me right now!"

"You guys are bordering on alcoholism." Dallon said.

"And it's like...!" Josh started again, completely ignoring him, "I don't even know what it's like. I love Jenna too much to hate them but I don't ...argh!" Brendon patted him on the shoulder.

"Remember Ryan? That motherfucker? He has nothing to do with your situation but... remember that motherfucker?" Brendon said, "Fuck."

"I'm seriously debating your health. You're spiraling into a road leading to your death via alcohol poisoning."Dallon said, rubbing his temples.

"Fuck _**off**_ , edgelord." Brendon said, sitting up from where he was laid on him and pushing Dallon away.

"Tyler, and their stupid, stupid face..." Josh rambled, then hit Brendon on the arm "I don't wanna talk, keep yelling about Ryan."

" _He took Jon with him, too_! I wasn't even fuckin' _dating_ Jon! He just left with him! Spencer also left afterwards, but that's not 'cause Ryan." Brendon said immediately, blinking as if the sudden memories are confusing him,

"I'm like, yo, what the fuck dude? 'Cause what even was Ry's excuse for leaving ? I don't fuckin know! He's just like, _'yo, fuck you, I can do what I want.'_ Well, he didn't say exactly that, but what-fuckin-ever. We texted like a month ago and it's all still so weird an' shit. I'm pretty sure the last time I saw him was at a Halloween party and he looked fuckin' dumb as always, fuck him."

"Shhh.... _Shhh_.... at least you're not singlee _eee_....." Josh said, putting his arm around his shoulder, still shushing him drunkly.

"Fuck Ryan and his stupid fuckin' reasonings and tragic backstory and fucking poetry and our stupid fucking sun and moon inside joke or what-fuckin'-ever."

"He left _eight years ago_ why do y..." Dallon started, but stopped when he realized neither of them were listening and just let the two drunk nerds mope together.

 

Josh didn't really remember much. He knew he'd gone on some rant about Tyler again, and Brendon had complained about a lot of things he couldn't remember, before Dallon had forced them to bed.

And now he was here.

Hungover with a horrible headache to prove it, in bed with two other dudes. Which wasn't really that strange, honestly.

Brendon stirred awake just a little bit after him.

"Mornin'"

"Good morning, B."

"My head fuckin' hurts." Brendon said, standing up from the bed, Josh following since he didn't have much better to do. Once they reached the kitchen, Brendon threw him a bottle of pills and he took one.

"You ready to face Tyty today?"

"And do what?" Josh said, "Today isn't gonna be any different from yesterday."

"It'll be different because this time you'll actually go home and talk about it with them, instead of getting drunk and ranting with me." Brendon said, putting a hand on Josh's arm, "Right?"

"You have more faith in me than I do." Josh said, leaning in and kissing him quickly. Brendon smiled and kissed him again, deeper this time. "Why are we making out while talking about me asking out someone else?"

"Why not?"

Josh shrugged, going back into it. He wrapped his arm tighter around his waist, bringing them closer together.

 

"You can take him. I don't want him anymore." Dallon said to Josh when he walked up and saw the two of them there. Brendon laughed, breaking their kiss and staring at his actual, 100% boyfriend. Unlike whatever the h*ck Josh was.

"You staying for pancakes or do you want to confess your love to Tyler this early in the morning?" He said while opening the fridge.

"I... don't know." Josh said, "Earlier the better, right? Just gotta rip the bandaid."

"He's gonna stay for pancakes." Brendon said.

"I thought you were rooting for me!"

"I am, but you spent all night yesterday being lonely and desperate. You're still hungover, dude. At least take have some food."

"'Lonely and desperate' is my favourite nickname." Josh said, shrugging.

"Sit down, Josh."

 

His mind was racing the entire time that he was 'enjoying' his pancakes, but maybe it was better than doing it all too early? Right? He didn't know. Either way, it was his time to go.

"Come over again sometime?"

"Of course."

"Good luck with Ty. And you're always welcome to our place." Brendon said, then kissed him, Josh smiling into it.

Josh was the one to move away first, saying "When did my life become this?"

"The moment we became friends."

"I'll take that."

 

He was at their front door before he knew it.

He took a deep breath, knocking on it. It's not like he was about to tell Tyler _now_. Just survive a little, and then wait for the right time. Whenever the hell _that_ is.

"Hey, Josh!" Tyler greeted happily, hugging him the moment they opened the door. Josh smiled, hugging back.

"Did Jenna sleep over?" He asked, raising his eyebrow at them. Ty blushed, ushering him inside, where the others were sitting at their living room table, drinking coffee together.

"Hey, Josh!" Jenna said, Mark simply waving at him. Josh sat with them, Tyler joining right after.

"Sorry about your lack of coffee," Tyler said, "And food. We didn't know if you would come home today or not, since you didn't in morning, and ... didn't really call or text either."

"Sorry. And it's fine, the Urie's made me some."

"Oh. Well, isn't that great."

Josh just half shrugged at that.

"Well, I'm gonna go take a shower. You guys have fun." Tyler said, leaving immediately. Convenient.

Mark leaned forward in his seat, looking to see if Ty was gone. He sat normally again, then turned his attention to Josh.

"Jenna told me everything I didn't know already."

"Everything?" Josh cringed, remembering how pathetic he probably looked in that bathroom when Jenna had comforted him.

"Well, no spicy details. But enough." Mark said, "What now?"

"I'm the wrong person to ask, Mark." Josh said, "I have about as much idea as I do confidence."

"Not a lot?"

"None."

They sat in silence for a bit. None of them really knew what to do, it wasn't like he was in a situation that could possibly go down smoothly. Right? At least, they didn't know how.

"What if I brought up the idea of you dating Ty, _to_ Ty?" Jenna asked.

"Please don't." Josh said, "I don't think it would be... it might just be suspicious, or at the very least kinda weird for you to tell Tyler to date someone else, y'know?"

"Well-"

"Look, even if it isn't weird or anything, I really don't want to hear secondhand if Tyler is opposed to it or not." Josh said, "I don't know, I just don't want that. If they want to date me too, I want to hear it from them. If they don't want to date me, I don't want to hear it from you. I can't explain myself without going into a long rant so just... Just let me tell them on my own." 

 

_( authors note: what, did you think I was gonna make this easy for him ? )_

 

"Alright." Jenna said, "I'll take your word for it."

"So, your plan is...?" Mark trailed off.

Josh sighed, "I don't know. Survive being a third wheel until the right time comes and it can tell them while being as minimally cringeworthy as possible?"

"Your plans suck." Mark said.

"I thought you were my friend." Josh pretended to be offended. He mostly agreed, though.

"I am your friend, that's why it's my duty to say your plans suck."

"Well yo- oh, heee _eeeeeeey_ _Tyleeeeeeer_ ,,,," Josh said awkwardly as Tyler walked back into the room.

"What's the drama? What did I do this time?"

"Exist." Mark said.

"Dang it, I hate doing that." Tyler said, sitting down next to them.

"Same." Josh added.

"You guys want cookies?" Tyler put down the small box of them they had. Josh could have kissed them right then and there.

"Frick yea."

"When did you even get cookies?" Jenna asked as she reached for one.

"It's not that phenomenal to walk from the bathroom after my shower and into the kitchen, where we have...... you guessed it, cookies."

"Shut the fuck up, Tyler." Mark said.

"What did I do!"

"Sass."

"Well, that one I actually like to do." Ty shrugged, the others laughing. Josh relaxed into the atmosphere. He did share some glances with the others anytime that the smallest hint of relationship conversation happened, but they seemed to all have an unspoken pact to change the subject.

 

He could live with this.

 

For now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment or the next chapter will take a month to post w h o o p s


	8. Velvet Lips And The Eyes To Pull Me In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically just josh struggling at 4AM and lasertag 
> 
> (spare any mistakes bc I haven't played lasertag in over two years)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been two weeks you know what that means !!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> chapter 8 motherfuckers 
> 
> the title barely has anything to do with the chapter but I'm really running out of panic! references ideas okay 
> 
> as always i hope i don't disappoint 
> 
> have fun !!!!!

 

Josh sat in bed, staring at the ceiling.

  
It was already 4AM. Which was kind of bizarre.

After a night of drinking and ranting with Brendon, he'd gone home, talked with the others a bit. Stuff you've already read.

That was only hours ago. But really, it could have been two weeks for all he cared. He can't tell anymore. Probably because he hasn't done anything other than stare at that goddamn ceiling since he lied that he wanted to sleep early* (*earlier than the others) at about 11PM.

Maybe Ty suspected that Josh wasn't tired. Although they didn't say anything about it, so there's that.

He'd tried to think of some way to tell Tyler for _hours_ , but it all felt pointless. How do you ask out someone who's dating someone else, poly or not?

Even worse, how do you ask out a best friend that you don't want to lose the friendship of? Literally the most common cliche ever, and he was stuck in it.

It felt like he was in this stupid loop of it for so long. And he didn't just mean today. Too many days have gone by of the same, repetitive shit.

Of course, suddenly dating Brendon (and Dallon too! kind of. not really. he's part of it cause Brendon's dating him. but Josh isn't?Josh is only dating Brendon. what.) (the relationship is way too new, he has no idea what he's doing) had been a change to his repetitive life, but still. It didn't change his feelings toward Ty. It somehow just made it all worse.

Man, it felt like it had been forever since the day they all went to Brendon's party when him and Brendon first hooked up. Mark had told him he thought Ty looked jealous.

Yeah, that was bullshit, wasn't it? Ty spent that night dancing away with Jenna, they had nothing to have been jealous about. As drunkenly stricken as he was that night for his beautiful, nonbinary, dress wearing roommate, and as desperate as he was to get them to be jealous, not everything works out fine and dandy. He's been learning that the hard way.

Not that he regretted Brendon and all. It's just...

Whatever.

His head hurt.

He was way too tired right now for coherent emotions and neat plans.

Why was it so easy for him to suggest to Tyler (a plan that worked!) how they could ask out Jenna, but now it was taking him hours and he still didn't know how to ask Ty out himself?

Maybe things are easier when they don't involve you.

He turned, in hopes that maybe he could get the smallest amount of sleep tonight. Any at all, even if all it does is clear his head for a bit.

 

~

 

He wasn't entirely sure how long he'd been awake or asleep, or somewhere in between, but all he cared about now was the mild pain in his back and the smell of pancakes in another room.

"How are you guys always awake before I am???" Josh said, surprised at how semi-composed everyone else seemed to be. ( compared to him at least )

"We're robots." Jenna joked.

"I didn't sleep." Tyler shrugged.

"Yeah, me neither." Mark agreed. They high fived, Josh and Jenna just standing there, shaking their heads at them. (as if josh hadn't done almost the same. tsk tsk)

"Well, anyway." Tyler said, giving Josh a coffee they'd already made for him, "How's the most handsome person I know doing?"

"I don't know, how _are_ you doing?" Josh said with a wink while gratefully, and almost greedily, taking the coffee from Ty's hands.

"F-fine." Tyler stuttered, sitting back in their seat. Josh chuckled to himself. That was smooth as heck ! (it was not as smooth that he just thought the phrase "smooth as heck".)

"Shouldn't your girlfriend be the one you're flirting with?" Mark said, not even looking up at them. Josh silently cursed him for breaking the unspoken truce to not mention relationships right now.

"I can do both!" Tyler said matter-of-factly, "Best friend flirting is best flirting."

Jenna rolled her eyes, leaning over and kissing them. Josh shifted in his seat, hiding himself as much as he could while still staying in plain sight.

"Well, that's great, too." Ty said, chuckling. Jenna smiled at them. They fell into a short silence, doing nothing but eat their pancakes and drink their coffee for a few minutes.

"We should do something fun today!" Tyler suggested, breaking the silence, "Whatever comes to mind, y'know? Make the best out of what's left from our break from work. I'll add some background sound, let's decide on something together."

Tyler reached for the remote, nearly falling over because it was just a bit over an arm's reach away, but still managing to balance themselves and turn the TV on before turning back to the others.

 

The TV, which had been left on ear-piercingly loud, blared: **_"Couple, both under the age of 18,_** ** _found dead in nearby accident, known by the names Charlie and Ad-"_**

 

The max-volume speaking news person was cut off by Tyler immediately turning the TV back off. Yikes. Dead kids. 

"Okay, so maybe no background noise." Tyler said, mildly horrified. The rest chuckled nervously. 

"So... uh... fun thing to do today ideas?" Tyler said again after a long, now much more awkward silence.

"Weee... could.... go.... laser tag?" Jenna suggested.

"Yes! Perfect!" Tyler said, "Really, I would have taken anything that wasn't ghost hunting the dead couple."

"Too soon, Tyler." Josh said.

"Any objections to laser tag?" Ty asked, ignoring him.

Mark and Josh shrugged. They hadn't gone in a while, so why not? Josh barely remembered what it was even like to play. Couldn't hurt to try it out again, right ?

 

~

 

The place they went to was quite empty, but Josh didn't mind. All of them could play together, with no other people to make it a bit more awkward. It was quite a small area anyway, so the less people, the better.

"Alright, then." Mark said, "Josh, Brendon and I are on one team, Tyler, Jenna, and Dallon, the other one."

"Why do _you_ get to choose the teams?"

"Did I choose wrong?" Mark asked, the rest shrugged. "Then let's play."

"You are so gonna lose." Josh said to Tyler before they went to their separate groups and got their guns.

Ty laughed, "As if!"

"You're on, Joseph."

"Give me your best, Dun." Tyler chuckled, bumping their shoulders together then leaving for their side. Josh blushed, staring as they walked away.

Josh hid behind a big pillar on their side, nodding at his team. They nodded back, raising their laser guns up. Because they're _**gosh-darn**_ badasses.

Brendon blew him a kiss, Josh sticking his tongue out at him in response. Mark sighed.

He stared at what he could see of the timer from his position, his anticipation and anxiety growing for the beginning of the game.

  
_**5** _

  
He gripped his laser gun tighter, straightening his back and waiting.

  
_**4** _

  
A nervous grin spread on his face, he was as ready as he'd ever be.

  
_**3** _

  
Ty was going _down_!

  
_**2** _

  
What's the better way to deal with complicated relationships than kicking their asses in laser tag, right?

  
**_1_ **

 

Game on.

  
He rested his back to the wall, daring to look out and see if any of the other team had been doing the same.

He saw the smallest hint of Tyler's hair, but not enough to risk going out of his safe zone to shoot them.

He spotted Jenna making a run for another one of the pillar-wall-looking-things and hiding behind it, Mark moving away from his safe spot to try and get to her.

It wasn't long before all of them had left their "safe" zones, and laser-shots were being made left and right.

 

" _ **FUCK**_!" Josh heard in the middle of the game field a few rounds into the game. He looked over to see Brendon on the floor, most likely having tripped, the opposing team firing laser-shots at him while they still could.

Josh laughed a bit, running over to help his teammate, flipping off Tyler when he saw them. Tyler made a silent, joking, gasp face, staring Josh down as they hid behind another 'wall'.

Josh followed, screwing all the dangers of how much Ty could shoot in return.

He followed Ty to a corner of the room, hidden behind a bunch of walls, a "safe" zone, while the others were hiding and shooting at each other on the opposite end.

"Wait. Don't shoot. I wanna breathe." Tyler said, resting on the wall. They were practically hyperventilating.

"As long as you don't." He said, getting closer to them and leaning on the wall.

"We can't stay long anyway. That's lame. We're in the middle of laser tag!" Ty said between heavy breaths, raising the laser gun in their hand as if to make their point more obvious than it already was.

"And we're on opposite teams." Josh pointed out. Tyler nodded. 

"Enemies." Tyler chuckled, "Like we could ever be in real life."  

"On opposing teams in lasertag, real life friendship is a lie."

"Fair enough." 

He took a deep breath, thinking, "We've been here long enough, the others must think we're making out or something."

"It's barely been a minute. The others are in the heat of laser tag, we could fuck on this wall and they wouldn't even notice that we're gone until that timer ends." Tyler said way too causally. Josh hoped his face was already red from sweating so that blushing wasn't more obvious.

"Cameras though, right?" Josh said, keeping his voice calm.

"Dang."

They chuckled together, Josh only managing to take one deep breath before Tyler broke the short silence.

"Well, we're still in game. Stop being lame and let's get out there."

"You're the one who suggested a breather."

"Whatever." Ty said, putting a hand on Josh's arm when he started walking away.

Josh was confused, heart pounding in his chest as Tyler, who was still pinned to the wall, held him tighter.

"Well." Tyler said, smiling and brining their head closer to him. 

Josh waited, not knowing what to do.

In any normal case where he's hovering over another person pinned to a wall, they'd probably be making out.

This is _not_ a normal case. Not even close.

Before he knew what was happening, he felt something move between them and heard a loud noise. Tyler was lasershooting him!

"Good luck." Tyler laughed, running off. That motherfucker.

 

~

 

  
"Ty, Jenna, and Dallon, kicking ass since the beginning of time!" Tyler said as they walked out of the lasertag area.

"You won _one_ time." Mark said, rolling his eyes, but still smiling. It didn't really matter, it was all in good fun.

"Good sir, are we being challenged to a rematch sometime soon?" Dallon said, raising his sunglasses for dramatic effect.

"Please, not soon. Next week. Next month. Next lifetime, maybe." Josh said, still breathing heavily. He was too tired for this right now.

"We'll kick your asses in a rematch, too." Tyler said.

"Alright, okay, what-fuckin-ever Ty-Ty, we can find that out some other time, but first, sleep. I'm as tired as Josh is." Brendon cut in,

"Well, sleep together, then." Tyler said, stopping in their tracks once they heard themselves, "I worded that wrongly."

"Been there, done that, had one great of a time." Brendon winked, Ty sighing and cringing.

"Whaaaat, you don't wanna know what Josh is like in bed?" He said at Tyler's uncomfortable face.

Josh and Tyler shared a look which the others didn't notice. Or at least, most likely didn't. Josh couldn't tell with his eyes locked on Tyler's.

"Well, uh..." Josh said, finally turning his eyes away, "We reached our cars so... see you around?"

Brendon shrugged, kissing him quickly then waving goodbye and turning to his conveniently parked car, right next to them. Dallon followed.

"Come over sometime!" He said to them before driving away.

  
"I'm shotgun." Mark declared, taking the front seat before the others could complain. Josh and Jenna rolled their eyes as they sat in the back, Tyler driving them all away.

Josh stared out the window, how close he'd come to kissing Tyler on that shitty lasertag wall repeating in his head over and over again to the point he could explode.

Spontaneous combustion would be a nice exit from his feelings.

"If I just suddenly exploded wouldn't that be crazy or what?" Josh asked, expecting weird looks but not getting them.

"I'd be horrified and crash the car," Ty said, shrugging, "Which honestly would make for an interesting story if I managed to survive that without extreme emotional and physical damage. I'd have a cool story after years of therapy."

"Please don't explode on me, these clothes are nice and it would be expensive to fix the interior of this car." Jenna said.

"Are you saying my exploded corpse would devalue them?" Josh asked, raising a hand to his chest in joking offense.

"Considering the fact they'd smell like blood, organs, and you.... yes." Tyler said.

"You insult me, Tutu."

"Don't call me that."

"I hate that I am always in the middle of these things and yet still somehow ignored right now." Mark added, the others ignoring him.

"Then what _do_ you suggest I call you, Tutu?" Josh asked, grinning and definitely not having just cut off a good friend or something.

"Dead. Because I'm going to crash this car if you keep calling me that." Tyler said, tempted to look in the backseat for the sake of sass but prioritizing the road ahead.

"Maybe your tutu will help you fly and you don't die?" Josh said, only grinning more at Tyler's groan.

"This is the worst day of my life."

"Drama queen." Josh laughed.

"Mark, can you murder him, please?" Tyler said, nudging Mark on the arm.

"Oh, so now I'm not under appreciated?"

"Please?"

"I'll murder him some other time."

"I am right here!" Josh said, poking the two of them with each word. "At least murder me in my sleep once we peacefully reach home."

"Deal."

 

The short road left to home was full of giggles and terrible jokes, Tyler's annoyed groaning becoming music to his ears.

Even with the death threats, Josh slept fine that night.

 

That's a lie.

 

Him and Tyler almost kissed on a lasertag wall.

 

He's not gonna sleep for a few days.

 

He's never gonna sleep again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop whoop 
> 
> comment or my soul dies (more than it already has) 
> 
> next chapter probably in two weeks , we'll see y'all


	9. I Wanna Be Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sleeping in the same bed. nuff said. 
> 
> just kidding, I also added a bit more about their apartment and jobs because I realized that although I mentioned those, I never really talked into them at all so
> 
> here's this 
> 
> (also this starts ALMOST RIGHT AFTER the last chapter!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two weeks later (~im writing a letter nightly~) (any hamilton fans reading this?) (moving on) and that means new chapter bois 
> 
>  
> 
> I literally wrote all of this at like two weeks worth of 3/4AM's , it's like my peak writing time 
> 
> so if none of it makes sense, you know why 
> 
> have fun !!!

 

Despite their jokes in the car, Josh knew Mark wasn't gonna murder him in his sleep because of terrible nicknames.

He wished he would though. That would be nice.

Still, he's gotta face Tyler eventually, as much as he'd just rather die.

He'd rather die than do a lot of things. But that's not the option that gets him anywhere, is it?

Can't do anything if you're dead. Unless you turn into a sick ass zombie.

He doubted he'd be cool enough to turn into a sick ass zombie though.

Dang it.

He sighed, turning off the shower head and hopping out, not bothering to fully dry off before putting his boxers on and leaving the bathroom with the towel around his shoulders.

Lasertag earlier that day had made him exhausted and sweaty, so at least he solved one of those problems.

Although it didn't seem that he'd be solving 'exhausted' anytime soon.

"You know, there's something called ' _drying off fully with your towel_ ' and ' _not getting out of the bathroom still wet_ '" Tyler cockily said from where they were on Josh's bed.

"You're in _my_ room. Kind of. Technically. " Josh grumbled, sitting down next to them. "You don't get to disrespect my shower habits."

"You can't tell me what to do." Tyler said, chuckling at him as they raised themselves up into a sitting position.

"Why are you here anyway?" Josh asked, "Aren't you tired?"

"I am. That's why I was laying down. Til you came in."

"Here?"

"We shared rooms just maybe a week ago."

"And back then you didn't have a girlfriend you were sharing your room with."

"Touché."

Their apartment had two bedrooms. And the rent for that was wild on its own, so it was nice to have three roommates to pay their shares in more affordable extents. They survived on getting another smaller and much cheaper bed in the second bedroom, or just sharing the single-bed bedroom.

Usually him and Tyler would be the ones doing the sharing. Unsurprisingly.

Of course, they'd changed that up a bit for Jenna to stay over for as long as she could. Ty dating her and all.

Josh was alone in the loner bedroom, and Mark stayed on the cheap bed in the second one while Ty and Jenna shared a bed. Convenient for all of them, really.

Honestly, Tyler being here in "Josh's" room ( _but technically not_ ), wasn't that weird. Didn't mean he wasn't gonna tease them about it, though.

Josh laid down, leaving a pillow empty if Tyler wanted to, too. Ty did.

"So, you're here for no reason?" Josh asked, turning his head to look at them.

"Yep. Just bored. Hanging out in 'your' room."

"I get that." Josh smiled softly, yawning.

They sat in silence, staring up at Josh's plain white ceiling.

"You sleeping here tonight or...?"

"I don't know." Ty said to fill Josh's trailed off sentence, "I'll let my level of exhaustion later decide for me."

"Cool." Josh nodded.

"Cool."

"Are we keeping the lights on?" He asked, rolling over to his side so they were facing each other.

"No." Ty said, sitting up and stretching their arms over their head. Ty was in an oversized shirt that raised upwards as they did so, Josh tearing his gaze away from the strip of skin peeking out. Fuck, he was a cliché. Although he wasn't making any effort not to be, honestly.

Oh god, Josh was wearing nothing but boxers. He felt naked. Even though Tyler only had one piece of clothing more than him, that damn shirt.

Once Ty flicked the light off, the room was luminated by nothing but the moonlight peeking through Josh's half-open blinds.

"You okay, Joshy?" Ty asked once they sat in the bed next to him, finally able to see Josh's face clearly in the darkness.

"Nunya beeswax, mom."

Tyler giggled, pushing him away. "Seriously though!"

"I'm fine, Ty. Just tired."

"Lasertag?"

"No, lion fighting. I secretly snuck out of your car while you were driving and fought down lions, coming back immediately before you could know what happened. Like a ninja."

"Yeah, that does sound pretty tiring." Ty said, nodding, "Did you defend my honor against those dang lions?"

"Absolutely."

"Noyce."

They chuckled some more, letting the conversation fade away as they looked at each other on the bed.

"Does Jenna know you're here?" Josh asked. Was she waiting for Ty in the bed they normally shared? Ugh.

"She already fell asleep. It's adorable. And absolutely impossible this early, but somehow she did."

"Sleeping early is for losers."

"That's my girlfriend you're talking about there, Joshy." Ty said pointedly.

"I know. She's a loser. I love her, but she's a loser." Josh said, laughing as Ty jokingly punched him on the arm.

"I was gonna say 'she's lucky' but honestly dude, you're the one lucky to have her."

"I fully agree with that statement." Ty said, nodding. "Dude."

"Bro."

"Fella."

"Pardner'."

"Brahddy."

"We should stop."

"Okay." Ty said, giggling. They stayed in silence for a while, only interrupted by their soft breaths and Ty sighing.

"Today was fun." Josh said. He wasn't sure why he was attempting to have a conversation right now but he was. Overactive whatever-time-past-midnight-it-was brain.

"Laser-tag is weird." Ty said. Josh shrugged.

"Weirder that we went because it was the first thing Jenna suggested so we wouldn't focus on the dead kids." Josh pointed out.

"Oh god. Why was the TV so loud? Who leaves a TV on so loud at the news channel!"

"Ghosts."

"You do realize that's too relevant when we're talking about dead people right."

"Exactly."

"Josh, no."

"But-"

"Too soon." Tyler said, pushing Josh's face away from them. What's up with all the damn pushing?

"Can we stop talking about dead kids now?"

"Gladly."

He couldn't tell if the silences were awkward or not. Hard to have an awkward silence at whatever-past-midnight-AM.

...

He really should just look at a clock.

But that would involve moving to get his phone.

Ugh. Moving.

...

He should think of something else to say.

What even are normal things to say at.......... whatever-past-midnight time ?

"Do you remember when we-" Josh started after breaking away from his thoughts, only to see Ty already asleep.

Oh. Okay.

He spent too much time overthinking and not enough time saying stupid things to keep Ty awake.

He wondered if that was a metaphor to his entire life. Probably.

He was gonna talk about something risky anyway. Maybe it's a sign to not do that.

...hmm...

He still didn't know what time it was.

Maybe he should just try and sleep.

Unlikely, but what else are you supposed to do when the person you love most in your life is asleep wrapped around you and you're too tired to even pick up your phone?

Jack shit. That's what else you're supposed to do.

'Jack shit' is such a weird term. How was that even picked up ?

Does that even matter ? What even are words ? Tyler's the one who uses amazing words and writes cool poetry and songs they never post, even though Josh insists that he loves them all. Tyler's good at a lot.

The songs are very personal and cool. He understands Ty doesn't want to get them out, but he's sure that in some alternate universe, him and Ty could be real musicians! They'd be awesome. Even if it was the two of them. Get Mark along to help, too!

But their calmer, still music filled (even if it's not their own,) life at the shop they worked in was nice, too. It payed, anyway. And Josh gets to play the drums there!

Drums are too loud for their apartment and the landlord would murder them, but he makes do.

How long was the break they have? They've gotta go back to work soon again... right?

He shouldn't worry about this right now.

Josh closed his eyes, sighing as Ty put their sleepy head on his chest.

This was fine.

 

-

 

This was not fine, oh my god.

He still wasn't sure what time it was, but he'd passed out for a while and it was definitely still dark.

And Ty was definitely on top of him. And not just in a little bit or anything. Ty had their legs in between Josh's, laying on top of him with their arms to Josh's sides.

There is no room for Jesus in this mattress.

He would have said "for the imagination" but the last thing he wants to do right now is imagine more than what was already happening.

Kill him.

Right now.

It's too late at whatever-past-midnight for this.

He stared up at his ceiling, screaming internally.

Ty shifted more in their sleep, somehow bringing them closer to him than they already were. How????? Why does this only happen to him????

He closed his eyes, willing himself back to the sweet release of sleep. Death would be acceptable too. Maybe Ty could get even closer and suffocate him.

 

-

 

"Sleep well last night?" Tyler asked, stretching and yawning as they got out of bed. Josh felt mocked.

"Eh, could've been worse." He said, looking up from where he was at 'his' room's desk.

Waking up earlier than Ty and trying to take an entire human's weight off from above him without waking them, then taking a cold shower and actually having to dry off to remove suspicion (he showered last night, why would he shower again, right?) before Ty could wake up flashed in his mind. Yes. Could have been..... worse. Somehow.

"I'm surprised you're awake before I am." Tyler said, chuckling. Yeah, well, Tyler, he kind of fucking had to.

Not that Ty knows.

He hopes Ty doesn't know, anyway.

Josh just shrugged in response.

"I dreamed that you were fighting those lions you mentioned last night."

"Really?" Josh asked, surprised, "Did i defeat 'em?"

"Nah. They ripped your pretty face off."

"Oh."

"Yup."

"Wait, you think my face is pretty?"

"Heck yeah, dude."

"Aw." Josh said, "You're pretty, too."

"That sounds like a whole lotta horseshit to me."

"Tell that to all the people who flirt with you when we're working." Josh said, pointing at them.

"Pfft. I've only got a few people I like flirting with me, and the random people that come to the shop aren't them." Ty shrugged, "Really, I'd be happier if the people flirting would be traded with more people seeing my 'use they/them pronouns!' pin that I always have on and fucking respecting it cause it's not that damn hard, instead."

"Wait, who are the people you like flirting with you?"

"That's irrelevant, Joshy."

"Is it?"

"Yes."

Josh wasn't gonna push any further. Partially because he's a good friend but also because he's too tired right now.

"Wanna get some redbulls and chill in the living room?" Josh asked, already standing up 'cause he knew the answer.

"You're speaking straight to my soul, there, bud."

"Nothing about us is straight."

"True." Ty laughed as the two of them walked out together.

To their surprise, Mark and Jenna hadn't woken up yet. Not that either of them really minded.

The two of them, next to each other, both sitting on the floor instead of the perfectly good couch, sipping their redbulls at whatever time in the morning it was.

It was... nice.

At some point Ty had turned on the TV, which thankfully this time was at a reasonable volume. Some generic show about machines or something was playing, but he couldn't bother to focus on it.

Everything was a blur but the drink in his hand, the eye level table next to his sat down body, and Tyler. Unbearably amazing Tyler.

"I love you." He said, barely processing it. It was all still too much of a blur for him to care.

"Love you, too, man." Ty said, chuckling as they sipped more of their drink, eyes still focused on the show Josh couldn't bother to pay any mind to whatsoever.

It was kind of funny that Mark had been annoyed that Josh had hooked up with Brendon that first night, instead of going with the plan of telling Ty he's in love with them. Or how they didn't know Brendon and Dallon were a thing. Or poly.

God, he'd fucking helped Ty ask out Jenna! "Telling them" plan out the window.

Jenna's nice though. Although she can't be much help. That's mostly Josh's fault.

It had all led to this. And yet Ty still doesn't realize Josh is the way he is.

He really thought he was obvious, but obviousness is really subjective to how much you notice, isn't it?

 

'If only you meant 'I love you' the way I do, Ty.', he thought.

Things would be so much more different.

 

He doesn't know what he has to lose anymore.

 

Other than Ty's friendship, of course.

 

Would that ruin their friendship?

 

Maybe.

 

Possibly.

 

He had to find out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo weee
> 
> I hope that wasn't all gibberish because my sleep deprived brain can't tell what's comedy or serious writing anymore 
> 
>  
> 
> anyway the next chapter will start literally exactly after this one ended so be sure to remember what the fuck happened in this one or the next one will prolly feel mispaced as shit 
> 
> comment pls , im deing


	10. I Got So Sick Of Being On My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> starting almost right after the last chapter, Josh really finally needs to tell Tyler. 
> 
> (also this chapter is 1500 words longer than the average words (2000) of all my other chapters so there's that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look who's back !!! it me !!!!
> 
> recap in case y'all are forgetting bc of how far apart my chapter posting schedule is:
> 
> Brendon's party,  
> tyler is nonbinary,  
> Brendon and Josh fuck,  
> Mark is part of the "tell Ty already" club and so is Jenna,  
> Tyler tells Josh about being in love with Jenna,  
> Brendon and Josh AND Dallon (+Breezy) are kind of dating,  
> Ty accidentally sees Josh naked but it's no big deal bc Ty already knows what Josh looks like naked,  
> Josh helps Ty ask out Jenna,  
> now Ty is /dating/ Jenna,  
> they all go laser tag,  
> Josh and Ty sleep in the same bed,  
> Josh and Ty get out of them room and sit together watching TV, 
> 
> and now we're here. 
> 
>  
> 
> all recapped? good, have fun !!!

 

  
It had been so long.

 

God, it had been _so fricking long_.

 

Chasing and chasing and repressing and...

 

If he didn't tell Tyler soon he might just go insane.

 

He almost didn't care if he'd get rejected anymore.

 

Almost.

 

 _Almost_. 

 

It's 2PM now. Maybe he should get Mark and Jenna here before he does anything stupid. They're the rational ones, right ?!

Or maybe that would just be delaying the inevitable.

 

Inevitable?

 

Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

 

Either he tells Ty or it never goes away.

 

Never, never, never, ever.

 

He rubbed at his eye, surprised when it came back wet.

Wait. Is he crying?

Why is he crying? That's stupid, he thought. 

(what, do you expect him to think poetically?)

Breathing deeply as he stared at his hand, the emptiness in his chest just got clearer and clearer. He hadn't realized how miserable he felt. Huh.

Well that's... random. He couldn't ignore it, though.

"I'm going to the bathroom." He blurted out, standing up and practically running there. He didn't turn back.

Had Ty turned to look at him as he ran off? Not that they'd have seen much, anyway.

Random crying. Okay. He can deal with it.

He doubted it was random, but because it was happening at all, the reason _why_ wasn't really relevant right now as long as he got it to fucking stop.

He splashed water on his face, breathing heavily on the verge of sobbing as he put his head in his still-wet hands and sat down.

Nope.

Sitting here is terrible. Legs are uncomfortable, back hurts, can't put hands anywhere. Absolutely not.

Pacing around was better.

Yeah.

Pacing.

Pacing.

P-

The pain in his chest only increased, causing him to stop mid track to practically shoot his lungs out through his throat.

Having a coughing fit after all that was fitting, he thought. Why not. Why goddamn not?

He shook his head, trying not to pull at his hair as he cleared his thoughts.

The crying had stopped. It didn't feel like it, as he swallowed only to feel burning greet him, and his eyes fully ready to tear-up at any moment, but he'd stopped right now.

Looking inside the mirror, he really looked pathetic, didn't he? All red and shit. Was that cause of the crying or the coughing? Did it matter?

Running his fingers through his hair that was dry and desperate for a re-dye, he fixed himself up as much as he could. What a mess.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In.

Out.

Turn the door handle.

When he opened the door, he saw Jenna standing right there, a look of concern on her messy-hair covered face.

"What?" He asked, voice meaning to sound mildly sarcastic but sounded weak and strained instead. It was probably better that way. Jenna didn't deserve it.

"I heard you coughing really loudly. Wanted to see if you were okay. Ty got up here too but I told them I got this."

"Well, thanks for leaving Ty out of it, I guess."

"Is the coughing fit their fault somehow?"

"'Fault' is not the right word for it, Ty didn't do anything wrong. But yeah, one thing led to another and then to coughing and it's probably 'cause of them."

"Probably?"

"Let it go. Please?"

"Right."

Him and Jenna silently walked together into the living room, Ty immediately turning their attention to Josh.

"You okay, buddy?"

"The coughing is because I'm dying, I'm sorry." Josh said, faking sadness, "You're going to have to learn to live without me."

" _Noooooooooooooooooo_. What will I ever do with my life?!" Ty said, grabbing their arms and pulling the both of them down. "Anyway, now that your deadly illness is out of the way-"

"What, I'm cured now?"

"Yes. And if not, I'll get a dog to replace you. Now watch TV with me."

"One day I'm going to be telling you about an illness with no joke and you being sarcastic so gonna be real awkward." Josh said, rolling his eyes.

Ty shrugged. "I'm willing to take that chance."

The two of them sat down on the opposite sides of Ty, Jenna immediately joining hands with them while Josh just kind of kept himself to himself. It was probably best that way.

More of the show he wasn't paying attention to flashed on the screen. No amount of blinking could bring him back to focus on whatever it was. It wasn't important anyway. Just mindless entertainment to fill the gaps in their lives where they could be doing something productive but aren't.

Just watching.

A buzzing noise broke him out of whatever he was doing. It was coming from his pocket.

Ty turned to face him, giving a small hum.

"It's Brendon." Josh said, answering Ty's unspoken question. "I'll be right back."

 

"Hey?" He said, standing in the hallway alone with his phone to his ear.

"Hey, Joshy! Wanna come over? It's not important, I'm just bored as shit and Dallon is with Breezy and Ryan. Not my Ryan, his Ryan. Seaman. Whatever. It's like what, 3PM-ish?" Brendon sighed, "With him there and Sarah not here either what am I even supposed to _doooooooo_?"

"To some degree, I know the feeling. Also, I don't know if I'll come over. I want to..." Josh lowered his voice, looking around before turning back to the phone, " _I'm gonna tell Tyler today_."

" _Whaaaaat_? And how is this different from all the other times you said you'd do it?"

"Fuck off." Josh said, "Sorry. Too harsh. I can't stop shaking."

"Breathe, Josh. It hasn't even happened yet."

"It's going to!!"

"...fair point."

"You're not good at this."

"I'm not."

"Normally I try to think of the most reasonable scenario of what's gonna happen, y'know? Worst case versus best case versus most likely to happen. But I have no fucking idea what that is right now, Brendon." Josh said, pacing slightly.

"Worst case isn't gonna happen. Best case you get married on the spot. Most likely to happen is either Ty's into it and that's the end of it, or Ty's not but you're still friends because you have been for-fucking-ever and you need to get your ass over there and just do it already."

Josh just stayed silent over the line as he breathed heavily, but he was listening.

"Clear?"

"Clear." Josh said, nodding. Not that Brendon could see that.

"If anything goes wrong, or you're just too awkward to deal with Ty after it, you're always welcome here."

"Noted."

"Good luck, Josh. Hopefully I won't see you today. I mean that in the best possible way where you don't come here because Ty reacts well."

"Yes, I got that much. Thanks, B."

"Take care, J. Don't die."

"No promises."

And the call was over.

Weird. Being told by your technically-boyfriend to tell the person you're in love with, that isn't your technically-boyfriend (or even a boy) (tyler is nonbinary here.) (repeating that because it's worth repeating), that you are in fact in love with them.

Or maybe it wasn't weird at all.

No. No, it was definitely at least a little bit of weird. He accepted it though.

A tap on his shoulder made him flinch.

"Mark! Jesus Christ."

"I heard you wanna tell Ty?"

"First off, don't spy on me, and second off, yes. But you aren't gonna have anything to do with it, okay? This is gonna be a mission for me, myself and I."

"Deal." Mark shrugged. "I was planning on going out with Caitlin today anyway. The drama is sadly gonna have to go down without me."

"Cool?" Josh said. He's definitely good at replies, right? Totally. That's what he is.

Mark nodded back awkwardly, leaving without another word.

 

"Hello again, Joshy." Ty greeted once he came back to the living room, "Why'd Brendon call?"

"You jealous, Ty?" Josh teased, "He just called me over cause he's bored but I... uh... didn't feel like going. Yeah."

"He accepted that?"

"He's a chill friend." Josh shrugged.

"You're more than friends."

"Doesn't change anything."

"I guess that's true." Ty thought for a moment, shrugged, then turned back to the TV. He sat down next to them.

He should ask Ty out. Doesn't have to be a date. A friend date.

And then a confession. Oh god.

"Hey, Ty." He said, getting their attention. Welp, too late to back out now.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna go out? Y-Y'know, to like a restaurant or something and get something to eat. Like bros do."

" _Bros_?"

"I don't know."

"Sure, _bro_."

"You wanna come, too, Jenna?" Josh said, making a face to say 'please don't, this is part of my only plan and it's not very foolproof so just work with me'.

"Nah, I'll stay here." She shrugged, winking at Josh, "You two have fun. You should check out that new statute they put up in the park afterwards." And spend more time together! You're a genius, Jenna. Josh wished he could say that out loud.

_**READ MY MIND, JENNA!** _

She probably can't read his mind. Although, anything's possible with her.

"Stop planning it all for us, love." Ty said, chuckling and standing up, "But yeah, will do. Sounds cool."

"Are we leaving _right now?_ " Josh asked, still on the floor, only now starting to pull himself up as he watched Ty go into their room, come back in better clothes, and turn to get their phone from the table.

"Isn't that what you meant?" Ty said, pocketing the phone and giving Josh a hand, the both of them nearly falling over but holding themselves in time.

"I mean, yeah it is, but I'm still surprised."

"You shouldn't be."

"Noted?"

 

The pizza place was a short walk away from their apartment, a walk in which they spent in comfortable silence, only interrupted by the loud sounds of the cars and people around them. The other things were easy to tune out.

"I didn't realize how much I was starving until I got here." Ty remarked, sitting down on one of the empty tables, Josh sitting on the opposite end, facing each other.

"What can I get you lovely couple?"

"We're not-" Josh started, but was cut off by none other than Tyler as they told their orders, completely ignoring the 'couple' comment. Did they act like a couple?

He wondered if it's only the ones in love that are worried when their crush is referred to as their partner. (Maybe closeted people are worried of that, too? Thankfully he wasn't closeted anymore. Those times were crazy rough.) (can't be mistaken anymore, though.)

"So how are you and Brendon?"

"Is that the only thing we can talk about anymore?" Josh asked, resting his chin on his hands.

"Well, no, but I'm curios. It's not always that you get into a poly relationship with a best friend of ours that you drunk fucked once."

He blushed, "We're as fine as we were before. I think he's getting bored alone at his apartment, though, 'cause Dallon's at Breezy's. Or Ryan Seaman's. I don't know. Both."

"Then why aren't you staying with him yourself?"

"Other plans. Hanging out with you." About to tell you I'm in love with you, stuff like that.

Ty only hummed in response, turning away to look at the waitress who was putting their pizzas down.

"Thank you!" Ty said, smiling at her, then turning back to Josh, "Lets not talk while we eat. Don't wanna start choking the non-fun way."

"I can't tell if you legitimately have a choking kink or if you're just joking."

"I like it that way." Ty winked. Josh chuckled and focused back to his food. It was actually really delicious, but really, it's hard to fuck up a pizza. Pizza is eternally delicious.

And apparently a conversation killer.

Half a pizza down and they still hadn't said another word to each other. Not that Josh really minded.

Maybe he should say something?

"Did you choke me that one time we fucked?" Ty said instead, causing Josh to almost choke on his drink. Well, that's ironic.

Oh, _god_. That night. The night that haunts his every Yep-Definitely-Still-In-Love-With-Tyler days.

He suddenly remembered the knowing glance Ty and him had shared when Brendon had mentioned knowing what Josh was like in bed after lasertag yesterday.

Was it really only yesterday that the two of them had acknowledged that night had happened?

In his head, that seemed so much longer before than it actually was.

He'd almost brought it up last night, too. Back when they were in the same bed. He only now realized how much he'd have regretted that if Ty hadn't fallen asleep and cut him off. His lasertag-exhausted mind was not thinking straight.

Not that the two of them fucking was anything near straight.

Oh god, they'd done that!

" _No_ , I did _not_ choke you. Then I'd have known you weren't being sarcastic." Josh said, "And I thought we had an unspoken agreement to never mention that night again."

"Unspoken means I can break it because it wasn't fully made in the first place." Ty shrugged, "And what a shame."

"It was just an experiment."

"You liked it."

"Fuck off, Tyler." Josh said, but he felt himself blushing heavily. Ty was blushing a bit too, but somehow still infinitely more chill than him.

"Man, how did we even get that far? I swear we were just kissing as a best friend experiment for a moment and then suddenly-"

"Suddenly that was the least of what we were doing." Josh said, somehow blushing deeper but laughing with it, too.

"I wonder if Mark would let us forget it if we'd told him."

"Either he'd have been scarred for life, or he'd never let us live it down."

"True."

Silence slowly passed over them as their laughter died down. You could feel the mood change from a mile away.

"It was _real_ awkward once we woke up. You barely even looked at me for like two days." Josh said, sighing.

"Yeah. I know. I'm sorry. I never really apologized for that, did I?" Ty said, awkwardly rubbing at their arms, "It's all in the past, right?"

He thought for a moment.

"Did you regret it?" Josh said, the words heavy and left hanging in the air. The two of them just stared at each other, blank-faced and suddenly very tired.

All in the past. Right.

 

"We should, uh, go see that new statue in the park. Y'know, what Jenna said?" Tyler said once the two of them had finished their pizzas, breaking the long silence that had gone over them, "Almost 5PM. It'll be about 5-something once we walk there, right? I don't know what counts as a good time to be in the park, but..."

"Yeah. Yeah, alright." Josh said.

The two of them paid for their pizzas, thanking the waitress once more before leaving together.

The park wasn't too far either, but somehow the silence now felt a lot more tense than when they'd been walking to the pizza place from home.

"So where and what is that statue exactly?"

"I don't know what it is or why, but it's near this corner, I think." Tyler said, softly putting a hand on his arm leading Josh to the way. Okay. That's fine. ([heavy internal breathing] this is fine.)

"Oh my god." Josh said the second he saw it.

"Is that...?"

"It's a dog statue!" He smiled, running over to it.

"Oh. Why'd they put that up?"

"Doesn't matter. All dogs deserve statues. They're doing the work that needs to be done." Josh declared, "Oh my god the plaque says he was named Eddie! I love him."

"You can't love every dog you see, Josh."

"Try me."

"This one is literally made of stone, it's not even a real dog."

"I. Love. Him."

"Whatever you say, Juliet."

Josh admired the dog statue a little longer, Ty chuckling at how excited he was.

Jenna really knew the way to Josh's heart. Even if... oh my god, Josh is actually in love with her partner.

What the fuck is his life?

"Did you love the statue enough? Can we go now? I wanna walk around the rest of the park a bit."

"Fiiiine." Josh said, pouting as he walked away from the beautiful stone doggo. He'd been so distracted with it that he'd completely forgotten that the reason he was here was Tyler.

At least he had his priorities in check.

The park was surprisingly almost vacant of other humans today. Not that he minded being surrounded by less people.

Walking through the rocky paths, surrounded by the trees and nature and empty benches, it was peaceful.

And Tyler looked _beautiful_.

Smiling softly as the two of them walked along, the glow in Tyler's eyes had him mesmerized. He wished he could take photos without being questioned right now, just to immortalize how beautiful everything was, and how dull it looked compared to Tyler.

He wasn't good at explaining his emotions. He wasn't as poetic and profound as Tyler. If you wanted, he could probably play something extremely loud on the drums to explain how he felt right now, but words are not gonna happen.

"We should sit here a bit." Tyler said, breaking Josh out of his trance, "Clean, dry grass. Peaceful day going slowly into the night. No one around."

"Yeah, okay." Josh said faintly. He still wasn't fully back. You could put a paper bag over Ty's head, maybe that would help? But for now...

"You look all... pretty and stuff." Josh said.

"Y...You too." Ty said, caught a bit off guard.

"Sorry, did I make it weird? The... the lightings all good. Golden hour. I don't know."

"Golden hour is the sunset. That hasn't happened quite yet." Ty said, "And we're best friends, we're way past weird at this point."

"Right. Yeah. Exactly." Josh said, "Wanna stay here til the sunset? That's not... too far from now is it?"

"Sounds nice."

"Yeah." The two of them smiled at each other. It really felt like a date and the two of them were just cheesy teenagers.

Well, they'd known each other as teenagers. They had so many chances to go on cheesy dates and try themselves out together, slowly and happily. Instead they kind of ruined that by fucking as adults and then repressing it forever.

He loved being Ty's best friend, of course. Just...

He wondered if teenage experiments would have changed where they were now.

Maybe.

Or maybe it would have been worse. In an alternate life, he'd know. But right now...

"I like it when we do stuff like this" Ty said, the two of them smiling softly as they watched the sun start to set.

"Do what?"

"I don't know, calm things out of home. It doesn't have to be some big party and stuff, even if I've learned that I have a high alcohol tolerance and I can dance amazingly in heels. That doesn't always to be what happens. I just like hanging out with you. In a park, under a sunset. This is nice."

"Yeah." Josh smiled, getting a little bit closer.

The two of them were facing each other, Josh putting his head down and looking at how they were cross-legged on the grass as the light of the setting sun glowed on them. They'd chosen a place with the most amazing view.

Josh reached out his hand, holding Ty's in his own.

Ty tensed for a second, but then let their hand relax in his, rubbing small circles on Josh's other hand with Ty's free hand. Josh could melt. It was all too much.

"Dude, I..." he started, bringing his head up and looking straight at Tyler.

Well, this was it, wasn't it?

Now or never.

He gently placed his hand on Ty's cheek, still looking at them, making more eye contact in these few moments than he'd had in a long, long time with anyone.

The smallest move forward and his lips were on Ty's, moving gently across each other. He could feel the slight smile forming on Ty's face. Josh was so close on the verge of crying right now that he really couldn't be rough if he wanted to.

Tyler's lips were soft, and their gentle hand resting on Josh's waist had him practically shaking.

He felt cold air meet his lips as Tyler broke the kiss, Josh opening his eyes with a smile only to be met a face he couldn't read.

"Ty...?"

"Josh, I'm sorry. I can't do this. I..." Ty stood up, breathing heavily and running off.

That was... fast.

He felt his heart sink.

Josh was still on the ground, too drained to get up, or yell after them. All he wanted to do was lay down on the grass. So he did.

The sky was probably beautiful. He couldn't tell. His eyes were either closed or too blurry to see through. Happens when you're crying. The usual.

He shouldn't let it get too dark. As much as he'd rather lay here and have some stray dog eat him alive, he should go to Brendon's or something.

Yeah. Brendon's.

 

If Tyler's home he doesn't want to be anywhere near there.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe, im an asshole
> 
>  
> 
> comment or the next chapter will never come muahah


	11. I've Got My Heavy Heart To Hold Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after Ty rejecting him, Josh runs off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo dudes ! I'm back! 
> 
> two weeks later, as promised 
> 
> hope y'all like this one because I rewrote the entire thing last night at like 2AM until much, much later
> 
> have fun !!

 

"Nowhere near home," Josh thought, knocking on Brendon's door. He breathed heavily as the cold night air hit him, wrapping his arms around himself for any warmth he could get. It was windy tonight.

Maybe waiting for the sunset hadn't been his brightest idea, as beautiful as it was to look at at the time being.

It was all going so perfectly.

Until it wasn't.

Just when he hoped things would turn out alright, he was left walking alone as the night got darker and darker, trying to get himself to calm down and not let other people see him like this.

He hadn't even called an uber, too embarrassed to climb in and have someone else driving him as he was crying like he was right now, and too pathetic to get himself to stop.

He wondered how often uber drivers got people coming in the car in tears. Maybe they were numb to it.

Still, he wasn't gonna be one of them.

Of all the things in his life he is and could be, that's not it.

"He- oh my god, Josh?" Dallon said, surprise popping into his face when he saw Josh standing there, the human wreckage that he was.

"Hi." He said weakly, immediately being led inside by a concerned Dallon, and sitting down on the nearest couch. Somehow his crying just got worse, and it made him feel double worse to think that maybe the crying was bothering Dallon.

"Y-Y'know, B-Brendon called me earlier complaining about how he was bored 'cause y...you were gone. Didn't expect to see you here just hours later." Josh said, in-between hics and tears. Hoping talking could stop it. "I should have just listened to him and come here before I was fucking stupid and... and... Tyler..."

"You know Brendon, he's dramatic. Forget Ty for a moment. Do you want me to get you something? Coffee? Hot chocolate? Tea? I'm not sure a redbull would help the situation but I'll get you that if you want one."

"Thanks, dad, but I'm fine." Josh said, feeling another sob come through as his chest ached.

"You don't seem fine." Dallon said, giving Josh a blanket that he seemingly pulled out of nowhere, "Also, dad?"

"You are a lot like a dad, Dall."

"I take that as a compliment. I should tell Breezy."

"I meant it that way." Josh smiled weakly, rubbing his face against his blanket that he had now put around his shoulders, "You should propose to her, you guys are all happy and stuff. Not a m-mess like me right now."

"Hey." Dallon said, gently placing his hands on Josh's face. "Breathe."

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Josh said as he unintentionally leaned forward, head now against Dallon's chest. Dal put his arms around him to keep him from falling over.

"I swear I was in this exact position with Brendon before when Ty fucked me up a while ago." Josh chuckled bitterly, still letting Dall be the one holding him up.

"You seem to have a very specific way of dealing with your problems." He pointed out.

"Never learn." Josh shrugged with whatever energy he had left, looking up at him. Absentmindedly he felt himself rising up, immediately placing his lips on his. It seemed to only last a few seconds, Dallon too off-guard to do anything other than kiss back. He felt a hand on his hip before it was almost immediately removed again, Dal staring at him in surprise at it all.

"Woah, buddy." He said, seemingly shaking himself out of it and breaking the kiss, "Now, I'm not against it, considering you're part of my relationship, and Brendon has mentioned it, too, but that isn't gonna solve your problems, and a hookup might just be something you regret later."

"I don't care what I fucking regret later! Don't go on some goddamn life advice spiel!" Josh groaned as he put his head back down, "I mean if you don't wanna do that I won't because I'm not an asshole, but as for me right now, Tyler basically ripped my heart to shreds and I couldn't give a fuck about whatever future me regrets."

"Which is exactly why I stopped you, J." Dallon said, helping him get back upright on the couch, "I don't know exactly how to help you, but that isn't it."

"Well, hey, at least I'm not crying, right?"

"Tears are still streaming down your face."

"Oh," he said, putting a hand on his face. He didn't know why his brain had short-circuited, but he was definitely still crying, "Well, could be worse."

"Hey Dal have you seen my- Oh my god is that Josh?!" Brendon said, running over to them once he noticed him there.

"Oh, no. Nonononono!! Don't tell me it- No! _Noooooooo_! " He said, putting his hand on Josh's shoulder, " _No_!"

"Yeah." Josh said weakly.

" ** _Nooooooooooooo_**!" Brendon whined louder and longer, laying down on the floor and putting his hands over his face. "NO!"

"I know." Josh agreed.

"Is this how you communicate?" Dallon asked.

"Clearly." Brendon said, slowly picking himself up off the floor, whining the entire time, "God, Tyler is a fucking ass!"

"Tyler didn't do anything wrong, B. I'm the ass in this situation." Josh sighed, "I can't force them to love me."

"Ugh, I know that you're right but I'm still... fuck. You're not an ass."

"No, I'm just a loser." Josh shrugged, "You seem more affected by this than I am."

"Josh, you've been crying nonstop before and ever since you came here." Dallon pointed out.

"Fair point." Josh nodded, wiping away the tears that were definitely still there. Yep. He still hadn't fucking stopped.

"God, how did it even happen, man?" Brendon said, still whining and puffing.

"A lot at once." He sighed.

A tense silence came over them, Josh cringing internally when his own sniffles were so loud in contrast to everything else.

"This is all so fucking stupid." Josh said, sighing once again. "You'd think we'd be less affected by shit like this when we get older. I'm like a fucking teenager right now."

"Josh you've been in love with Tyler for years and known each other since you were /children/. I'd be more concerned if you were perfectly fine with it." Brendon said, "Maybe you feel worse 'cause you're showing your hurt by sitting on our couch crying it out, but it's better than if you came in here and started throwing shit. And it's better for you than bottling it in, trust me."

"I _guess_." Josh said, "It happened like... well... Asked Ty out on a... bro date? A ...thing. Talked about how we.... it doesn't matter, we just talked and ate pizza. Then we went to the park, saw a dog-"

"A dog ?!"

"...statue."

"Awh."

"And then," Josh continued, "We went to a part of the park alone and I kissed Ty and they kissed me back and then broke it and ran off saying something like 'I'm sorry. I can't do this.' or whatever."

"What the fuck? What does that even mean!" Brendon whined, looking at Josh as if he had any of the answers.

"If I knew, B, I'd tell you."

"Maybe Tyler thinks you guys betrayed Jenna." Dallon added.

"What? Why? Jenna's fine with us. She pretty much ships us. She said this to me before."

"But did she say it to Tyler?"

"Oh. I... don't know. I told her not to mention dating me in case that seemed too suspicious so she... oh." Josh said, alarms ringing in his head, "Oh. I... I should ask Ty if that's why. Not right now, though. God, look at me. I'm a mess." He wiped at the tears still rolling down his face. Why hadn't that stopped yet? He had a possible reason Ty ran off now! It should have stopped already!

"Call Tyler." Brendon ordered, "You two will be fine."

"No."

"Do it, goddamnit."

"It's too soon! Everything literally just happened!"

"The sooner, the better." He whined, "You guys fucked up the one thing I told you to do in a poly situation, which was fucking communicating!"

"Dal, help me on this." Josh pleaded.

"I don't know what counts as too soon, Josh, but he's right on the talking thing."

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." He groaned, pulling out his phone half-assedly. It had almost died after an almost full day of being out, "I'll _text_ Ty while my phone still has battery. Deal?"

"I'll get the charger because I'm not letting your stupid battery cut the convo,short."

"Sounds like a plan?"

With the charger plugged in and nothing allowing him to turn back, Josh hesitantly picked out Ty's name at the top of his text conversations and sent out a message.

 

 **JOSH** : did you run cause of Jenna? she's fine with us, you know. i'm sorry. i should have been more clear or... i don't know. talk to me. please?

 

"Oh god why hasn't Ty replied yet!" Josh whined, shoving his face into the couch.

"You just sent the text, J."

Josh whined again, grabbing the blanket back and covering his face with it. Every second of waiting felt agonizing.

 

 **TYLER** : I talked to Jenna before about poly relationships and she's fine with them, so no, that's not why i ... ran. Admittedly, we didn't mention you, but I know Jenna's fine with anything. It's me alone to blame in this situation.

 **TYLER** : We need to talk about it, but not today, Josh... I need to think things over. Sleep at Brendon's for a while, is that okay?

 **TYLER** : I don't think we... were on the same page about everything. I don't know if I'm wording this right, but I'll talk to you when I feel like I can. Or at least when I do word stuff better.

 **TYLER** : Clear my mind. That's the term.

 **TYLER** : Felt too guilty to just... ignore you... like last time that we... yeah.

 

Josh screamed into the nearest pillow.

"What? What?! _What_?!" Brendon said, grabbing the phone that Josh put towards him and staring at the messages, Dallon peeking his head up so he could see anything from Brendon's posture over he screen. " _FUCK_!"

"Ty doesn't even wanna see me."

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?" Brendon said, falling backwards intentionally and re-reading the texts.

"'Same page', B." Josh sighed, "Ty didn't think I'd kiss them and ruin shit _again_ but I fucking had to, _didn't I?"_

"Again? And what did Tyler mean by 'last time'?" Dallon asked, raising an eyebrow. Josh blushed.

"Me... and Ty... kind of sorta... _hookeduponcebutitwasjustanexperiment_." Josh said, too quickly for him to even comprehend himself.

"What?"

"We hooked up, once, _okay_?" Josh squirmed, sitting up putting his face down on his knees, "And then Ty didn't really talk to me for a few days and avoided looking at me and I fucked things up for even suggesting experimenting and we repressed it all and now I kissed Ty and I fucked it up all over again."

"That explains so much." Brendon said, Dallon punching him lightly on the arm.

"Can we turn the TV on or something? Me being the loudest thing in the room is extremely uncomfortable." Josh said, pointing at the remote.

"Yeah, alright."

The TV blared immediately at a slightly higher than reasonable volume: _"-for you, Martin! And another birthday wish goes out to Delly! Happy 18th birthday! Your partner says to also mention that they'll 'always be this cheesy'! How adorable, right Molly_?" The host person said, smiling at the generically named co-host, " _Ano-"_

Josh tuned out after that. Ugh, happy couples. Gross.

"Y'know, letting go of the Ty drama real quick, Dallon's been working on a project with his buddy, Ryan Semen." Brendon said, chucking.

"Its Seaman." Dallon corrected, unamused.

"That's what I said."

"I know it isn't."

"Project?" Josh questioned, looking between them.

"Yep. Music shit, what we all usually do, except more special and more project. I wonder if this guy's gonna run off and leave me one day. I mean, he has another girlfriend that he loves to death, and he's known Semen dude forever."

"You're dramatic." Dallon said, turning back to the TV. "And it's still Seaman!"

"Are you guys arguing or is this banter, i literally can't tell." Josh said.

"Bit of both, J, bit of both."

A _ding!_ from his phone sent him flying for it, grabbing it in his hands and reading Ty's text as is heart beat out of his chest.

 

 **TYLER** : Maybe don't come home tomorrow. It might just be painfully awkward for the both of us.

 **JOSH** : i wasn't planning to. have fun being cryptic as you always are.

 **JOSH** : but, y'know, not like last time. sure.

 

"Harsh."

"Is it really, B?" Josh said, staring at his sent message, "I was planning on being harsher, but they don't deserve it."

"I meant Tyler's text. _'don't come home'?,_ geez. Mutual intentions on the awkward thing, I guess, but still." Brendon said, looking over, "They don't deserve it?"

"I might be bitter but I still love them, and it's still not their fault for not loving me back." Josh shrugged.

"And how are you so sure they don't?"

"God, I've heard that question since I started all of this and it's ever changed _anything_!" He yelled, "I'm sorry... just... None of this would have happened if they did, would it?"

Josh stared at the floor after that, thinking. He wished he knew what went through Ty's head. He usually did to some degree, but not right now.

"Maybe they do, and it scared them off? Or any other thing that could have scared them at the start of a relationship? Not everything is immediately easy, J."

"Ugh, fuck off. I don't want you to pretend to be positive about all this right now." Josh whined, sliding down the couch until he was almost on the floor.

"I'm not. I mean, I kind of am, it's a semi positive thought, but it's just what I believe." Brendon shrugged.

"Whatever, you fucking dish."

"Dish?"

"It's an insult now, fuckwaggon."

"You're reaching with your cussing, mister 'never swears'."

"I'm not a child, B." Josh sighed, "I can swear, it's just not always that necessary."

"But it is necessary when you called me a fuckwaggon?"

"Yes. Very."

"I'll take your word for it," Brendon chuckled, turning back to the TV, "What the fuck is this channel and why are we watching it?"

"I don't know, fate is trying to force us to see happy couples and family members paying for strangers to wish birthdays and shout outs for each other, and stupid over exaggerated news about unimportant things."

"Are you okay, J?"

"No. Clearly. Never have been and I'm only worse today."

"C'mere." Brendon said, putting his arm around him and resting Josh down so that the two of them were cuddled on the couch, Dallon joining on Brendon's side too, so B was now in the middle.

"How does this help?" Josh said, but closing his eyes anyway and letting himself stay. He was unbelievably tired.

"You need rest, Josh. You can disagree with us on a lot of things, especially Tyler's feelings, but you can't say you're not exhausted after all that." Dallon said, brining Josh's blanket over so it covered all of them.

"I... yeah, I guess." He sighed, cuddling closer to Brendon's side. "It's weird."

"What is?" Brendon asked, turning to look at him.

"This. Us." He said, voice almost a whisper, "It all happened so fast."

"It doesn't have to be weird." He shrugged, "Or it can be, who gives a fuck? Dating us or not, we'll be here to fall back on. You're a best friend of ours, Josh. The fact we're all dating doesn't change a thing."

"Ty obviously doesn't agree to that."

"Talk to them when you can, Josh. You can fix all this."

"I hope so." Josh said, yawning with the words, "All I want to fix right now though is the fact I'm not asleep yet."

"Amen to that, _amen_ to that." He chuckled, lowering the TV volume.

 

Josh didn't think he'd be able to sleep that night, but he managed to.

 

Probably the last night of sleep he'll get in a while until all of this is over.

 

It's funny how often these things left him sleepless. Like he was doomed to repeat himself until he could figure out a way to fix it all. 

 

Gross. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh 
> 
> comment to save my soul 
> 
> next one in two more weeks! hopefully


	12. Would You Change It If You Could ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how does it all end ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo my dudes I'm back 
> 
> so,,,, it's been like two months I think ?? since I last updated. I'm sorry, I know, I don't have a real excuse I'm just a piece of shit 
> 
> I hated everything I wrote but my girlfriend liked this chapter and that's enough for me
> 
> it's the end of this fic ! it's been over half a year that I've been working on it, it's crazy 
> 
> I hope all of that is worth it, and for the last time, take a fuckin fic babes, I hope you enjoy

__

He stretched his neck, yawning and groaning as relief went though his stiff body. Falling asleep on a couch with two other people unsurprisingly leads to an uncomfortable morning for your poor squished body.

"Mornin', babe." Brendon said when he saw Josh open his eyes. He'd already been awake, watching TV at a low volume, one arm around Josh's shoulders and the other rubbing circles on Dallon's back, who still had his face rested on Brendon's chest, breathing lightly in his sleep.

"Good morning, B." He said back, sitting up and letting Brendon's hand fall slowly off of him. Other than the stiffness of his body, he'd actually slept pretty well, surprisingly. Didn't do that very often.

"Ugh, Tyler." Josh sighed, immediately laying back down, mood ruined.

"Really? First thing that comes into your head in the morning?" Brendon said, "Let yourself be happy for _one minute_ , dude."

"How can I? Ty literally kicked me out temporarily because I was stupid and kissed them and ruined shit."

Brendon rolled his eyes, moving as much as he could without disturbing Dallon's sleep, and leaning into Josh, kissing him.

Josh let it happen.

"Ugh, you've got morning breath." He said, chuckling as he pulled away for a moment, but leaned back in anyway.

"Don't care." Brendon said, putting his hand on his arm.

"I do, you two need to chill." Dallon said, stirring awake, "Don't fuck each other while I'm still asleep on you."

"We could be quiet!" Brendon teased, moving Dallon's hair away from his face.

"Just don't."

"Fiiiine, bossy pants."

"I don't even have any on."

"If that was supposed to be a joke about pants I'm here to tell you it sucks." Josh said, looking between the couple he's somehow a part of.

"So does Dallon, it's fitting."

"....Right." Josh said, "Well, I'm going to the bathroom so you have fun with that."

He shut the door behind him. Looking in the mirror, he saw the same tired person he'd been seeing for a long while.

His hair was getting dry as shit. And desperate for a re-dye.

Maybe he should just cut it off. Let it grow back healthier than his life and relationships.

Yeah. That's it.

He reached into the nearest drawer, getting a reasonably seeming pair of hair cutting scissors and grabbing at his half-yellow, almost-half-brown hair that he hadn't taken care of in too, too long.

 

"I was worried you'd run away for a second there." Brendon said when he noticed Josh finally walking back out of the bathroom, "Where'd ya get that hat?"

"Borrowed it from you, is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure dude. Mi shit, su shit. Whatever." Brendon chuckled, "Want some waffles?"

"Yeah, okay." He said, sitting down on the table facing Dallon, Brendon putting down three plates for all of them.

"Did you cut your hair?"Brendon asked, pointing at the small part of the back of Josh's head that could be seen.

"Yeah, I kind of..." Josh trailed off, deciding to just pull the hat off instead of speaking uselessly, considering the fact he'd have to do it anyway to feed their curiosity.

"Did you finally have that emotional breakdown?" Dallon said, looking at his shaved head. Brendon just laughed. Hopefully not at the how he looked.

"I would have done it, Tyler or not."

"Alright." He nodded, "It looks good."

"What? No pun? No jokes?"

"Puns? That's not my kind of buzz..." Dallon smiled, "-cut."

"That's just... that's just terrible." Josh laughed, putting a hand through whatever was left of his hair. He wasn't completely bald, thinking it might be too risky. Only Tyler got to be an egg. He just had very, very short, completely naturally coloured hair. Weird. "Tyler's sure gonna have one hell of a surprise when they let me come back home."

"I'm sure they'll love it once they get over the initial shock." Brendon said.

"Whatever you say, B. Not that I should care what they think, right? What with all the stupid drama."

"You still love Ty."

"Yeah, obviously. So?"

"You need to go home and fix it." He said gently. "Maybe now. Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow, I don't know. But soon. The longer you let it build up the more it hurts the both of you. Ty needs to think, but you need to work it out together as well."

"Ty doesn't fucking want me to." Josh said, irritation prickling up his spine, "And I'm fine with that! I'm not here to stay and long after them like a loser if they don't want me to."

"Alright, fine. Change of topic." Brendon snapped his fingers, trying to think of something else to mention, " _Oh_ , Josh, you remember that birthday wish from that happy couple on the TV yesterday?"

"Ugh, yeah." Josh said, "What about it? Are you gonna say something cheesy?"

"Y'know those dead kids that were on the news the day we went laser-tag?"

Woah, that is _not_ where he thought that was going.

"Yeah? Charlie and ... A... D... I can't remember the other one, I think Tyler turned the TV off before the other name, but yeah."

"Well one of the birthday wishes we saw yesterday was one that Charlie preordered for their girlfriend that you can't remember, she's nicknamed Delly, before the two of them died."

"Oh my fucking god." Josh said, suddenly remembering all of it, "Holy shit, what the fuck! Oh god, now I feel really bad."

"Yeah..." Brendon said, coughing awkwardly, "Maybe that wasn't the best topic to lighten the mood. It- It came in my head and..."

"No, not really." Josh said, "God, the Delly one died a few days before her 18th birthday? Her fucking _birthday_?! Geez..."

They all sat in tense silence, tapping at the table and ignoring their waffles that they suddenly didn't feel hungry for.

 

Josh heard a ding from his phone.

"So, uh, change of topic? It's Tyler." Josh said, turning the phone towards them.

"Yeah, yeah, lets see what they gotta say."

 

T JOSEPH: I'm not cryptic. I'm not trying to be, anyway.

T. JOSEPH: Jenna's all annoyed at me after I told her I ran off from you which is funny and depressing. But it isn't changing my mind yet.

T. JOSEPH: I don't even know why in texting you right now.

T. JOSEPH: *I'm

T. JOSEPH: Guess I'm just used to havin' ya to rant to. Although it's usually not me ranting to you about you. Not like this, anyway. I have .... other friends.

T. JOSEPH: I can't keep talking like this. Come home. Tomorrow maybe. If you can. I'll be home.

 

Home, huh?

Josh put the phone down without replying, shoving it in his pocket and silently standing up, walking to the couch where he could lay face-first and sigh deeply into the cushiony heaven.

"Jo-"

"Nyeh." He said weakly, turning his head just to peek at Brendon and Dallon's concerned faces.

"I'm sorry, man."

"You haven't done anything wrong." He shrugged, "Really, you've been the best in this situation. I keep coming to you guys every time."

"So, tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." Josh nodded, "It's time all of this ends."

"I'm sure they lo-"

"Stop." Josh said, sitting up, "Don't do that. I appreciate that you're trying to be positive but just don't. Neither of us are sure of anything."

"Okay." Brendon said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Josh said, resting his head on B's chest, "This is all too dramatic. It's probably not even gonna be as dramatic as it's building up to be."

"Isn't that the best cases scenario? Sure, all of this was messy, but a simple ending is just what you want, right?"

"Whatever you say, man."

 

The rest of the day had gone by in a flash. A nap or two during the day really blurred all that happened and the in-between wasn't exciting either other than the major headache he had the entire time.

Before he knew it he was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and turning on his phone to see that it was already 5AM, and Brendon and Dallon had been asleep next to him for hours.

Maybe _he_ should get some sleep.

He shou....

 

JENNA: dude ty's been freaking out all day yesterday and all of this morning so far, are you gonna come? Mark is already out with his 'less dramatic than you two' (his words) love and I'm gonna pretend I need to do stuff and leave the two of you in the house alone to settle this, but you do need to text us back to know if you're coming at all

 

What a text to wake up to. He forgot that he had "read receipts" off, so when he ignored Ty, he didn't seem petty. Just dead.

Maybe he could be both.

 

JOSH: sure.

JENNA: he's alive!

JOSH: id say "and well." in reply but i am not, your partner is ruining my mood

JENNA: ty's just scared, im sure. hasnt really talked to me about you after just telling me what happened at the park, but still. you two need to stop pining, it's not healthy for the either of you.

JOSH: you think i like this ?

JENNA: fine then, tell ty to stop being a dick to you and just accept ur love already

JOSH: it's not gonna be that simple but sure, jen, whatever you say.

JENNA: go get 'em, tiger.

JOSH: see you tomorrow, j

JENNA: you won't, other J. the plan to leave you two alone is settled.

JOSH: ... you know that if it goes well you'll be invited back home right

JENNA: shh, just go !

 

He sighed, putting the phone down.

As much as he'd love to accept everyone's positivity, he couldn't. And maybe it's for the best.

Things don't always work out how you want them to, do they?

Maybe.

 

~

 

"M'facing Ty today." Josh repeated again, Brendon only humming 'mhm' in return for support. Josh lost track of how many times he'd said it to himself. Preparing.

He breathed heavily, putting on his shirt and putting his hand through his hair. What was left of it, anyway. He still wasn't used to the bristly feeling of such short hair everywhere. No more mohawk to pull on.

He put Brendon's hat on, turning it around a few times and staring at himself in the nearest mirror. He didn't wear hats very often. Maybe he should.

"You should take it off." Brendon said, looking over, "Surprise 'em the moment you open the door."

"I... guess."

Well, the hat plan is off. For now.

"I should go now, right?" Josh said, pulling out his phone. A few twitter notifications from Pete and some games reminding him to play their daily challenge popped up on his lock screen, but no new messages.

Brendon stood up from the bed, looking at him up and down. Dallon turned in his sleep at B's movements, but remained asleep.

"It'll work out fine."

Josh just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Fine, J, I don't know how it's gonna turn out." Brendon said, putting a hand on Josh's arm, "But honestly dude, I care about you. I want you to go there with confidence in yourself and even if it turns out bad, maybe you'll be a little better off."

"I'll be worse off if I expect better and get the worst. If I expect the worst and _get_  the worst, at least I won't be surprised." Josh said, shrugging.

Brendon opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again.

"God, I wish I could argue with that." Brendon grumbled.

"See." Josh said, smiling despite his mood and leaving a quick kiss on his lips, "I won't wait for Dallon to wake. I'm gonna go."

"We'll see ya after. If Dal doesn't run off with that Semen dude."

"It's still fuckin' Seaman." Dallon groaned from the bed, blindly pointing at where he thought Brendon was, but really he'd just been scolding a houseplant from their point of view, "Bye, Josh."

Then he turned right back over to get back to sleep.

What a man.

Love him so.

The other two chuckled, leaning towards each other in their laughter and bumping their heads together, only laughing more, but as quietly as possible to not wake their already-sleeping-again boyfriend.

"Good luck, Josh." Brendon said with a smile still on his face.

"See ya, B."

 

JOSH: im coming.

T. JOSEPH: Okay.

 

The front door.

Not a bad sight. Not a calming sight, either, though.

His heart raced and skin burned, the door in front of him going into hyper focus with every subtle crack and blemish poking out like sore thumbs. The lines all seemed to connect and blur and spin.

Or maybe he just needed to lie down.

That too.

Had he even knocked?

He thought he did.

He knocked once again for good measure.

"I know, I'm coming." He heard Tyler say somewhere inside. Yeah, he'd knocked.

The door was opened and he was greeted by a distressed looking Tyler, dressed in a black shirt that was still somehow visibly wrinkled and jeans a completely different shade of black. They'd tried to look nice and still ended up a little messy. It would be endearing if it wasn't depressing to him right now.

"Josh."

"Tyler."

"Your hair's-?" Ty said, eyes widening if only just a little as they looked up at his hair.

"Gone. Yeah." He shrugged, "It was about time."

"You did say you wanted to a while back." Ty muttered, thinking, but still loud enough to hear.

"I'm surprised you remember."

"I always remember."

"Can't relate."

They chuckled, the silence afterwards seething awkwardness and pain into the both of them.

"It.... looks nice on you. We should, er..." Ty looked between them and the doorway they were standing in, "We should go inside."

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the hair part. But yeah." Josh nodded, slowly walking in and closing the door as Ty sat down on their nearest (and only) couch.

...

...

"..." Josh said.

" ", Tyler replied.

... yep.

"Should... should one of us start talking?" Josh said for real this time, breaking the tense silence.

Ty shrugged awkwardly, "Yeah, I guess? I didn't really prepare anything to say."

"I tried to prepare. More than I'd like to admit." Josh said as he stared at his hands, dragging his nails along them as a means of distraction and relief. It was making them red and they stung like a bitch until it passed. He didn't mind.

"We've got a lot of issues, man." Josh chuckled, the realization of how true that really was making him sigh as well right afterwards. He rubbed his hands, shoving them into his pockets to avoid further damage.

Ty nodded silently.

He tapped his foot on the floor, suddenly hyper aware of the speeding of his breaths.

In and out. In and out.

In and-

"I shouldn't have kissed you." He said quickly, looking down at the floor. Stupid.

"This isn't your fault. Better that we got that over with anyway." Ty said, head still turned away from him.

"Over with?"

"I... Josh... look..."

"You can't keep doing this, Tyler." Josh begged, finally turning to look at them, but Ty kept avoiding his gaze, "Just get it the fuck out. Where are we? Why are you doing this shit?!"

"You make it seem like you're the only one affected by this!" Tyler said, aggravation raising in their voice as they stood up and looked at him.

"Well I'm the one who's fucking telling you how I feel and you're the one that's sitting there just... just fucking-" Josh started, standing up from the couch so they'd be face to face, but Ty cut him off.

"I loved you, Josh! Is that honest enough for you?!" Tyler yelled, their body shaking, "Ever since our stupid fucking experiment I realized that I actually f-f... felt like that and... and I couldn't face you for a few days and after that you kept assuring me we were best friends which was _fine_ except I fucking loved you and you never said anything! And fuck, neither did I!"

"I-"

"You make it seem like I'm the apathetic one but that's just not the goddamn case!" Ty yelled, "I loved you and I hated you and I moved on and I fell in love with Jenna and now you kissed me and I don't know where we stand because quite honestly, Josh, I don't love you anymore. Not like I used to, at least."

Josh's breath shook, staring at Tyler as tears rolled down both of their faces.

"You... this... I loved you then, too." Josh said, his entire body hunching in on itself, too tired to stand tall, "I never... I... I... I didn't think..."

"No, Josh, you didn't think." Tyler said, voice suddenly weak, too, "You should have said something. _I_ should have said something. But you told me it was all just an experiment and I told myself, 'never again'."

His eyes burned, throat stung, and anything he could think to say was at the top of his tongue, but just too far for him to think.

"I'm here now." Josh said, Ty tilting their head at him.

"Jo-"

"No. Listen. I'm here now. You ...stopped... loving me because you once did and I didn't show it and you let go, right? And I can't change the past." Josh said, "But I haven't let go. I still love you _now_. I know that... I know that Jenna's more worth having you than I am-"

"Don't say th-"

"No, it's true. Jenna deserves you, and you actually love her back _fully_. But maybe... Maybe I can be a part of it, too.... Now?" Josh said, reaching his hand out and smiling when Tyler actually took it. He didn't know if that would work, "We had a rocky start with it all, Tyler."

"Understatement."

"Shut up." Josh chuckled, "But really. You're my best friend. And I love you. And you... don't. Like that. Like I do... maybe a little bit. But... maybe you can? Now?"

He's said ' _now_ ' too many times in this conversation but it's too late to change that.

"It's been so many years, Josh." Tyler said after thinking it over for a second, looking at him sadly as their grip on his hand only got tighter, "I thought I moved on."

"I know, I know." Josh sighed, "But I'm right here. And so is Jenna. And we can all be... something. I don't know. Am I being cheesy? Cringeworthy?"

"Probably, I can't tell anymore. A little."

"Just a little?"

"Yeah. You need to up the ante. You've got a quota to fill."

"You're absolutely right, Ty." Josh chuckled, clearing his throat to give his Master Speech, "You, Tyler Robert Joseph, loved me once. Not just the best friend love, nuh-uh-uh, you've always done that and still do. I hope? I mean the ' _fuck_ we're queer.' kind of love. The 'if you weren't nonbinary we would be the gayest ones here and we kind of are anyway' kind of love. It faded, sure. We fucked up. You let go."

"I did."

"But... maybe we would try again?" Josh asked, looking at them with a begging in his eyes. Ty stared down at the floor for what felt to Josh like ages and ages.

"Yeah. Maybe we can." Ty smiled, wiping at their face. Josh smiled wider than he had in a very, very long time, pointlessly rubbing at his face that was still tearing up.

"We... we really do have a lot of fucking issues."

"Well, we're here _now_. And we can solve those issues _now_ , right, Josh?"

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Joshy, I wholeheartedly promise that for as long as I live... I'm _never_ gonna stop making fun of you."

"Alright, fuck you, Tyler." Josh laughed.

"I love you, too." Tyler said, chuckling with him as they put a hand under his chin.

"No, you don't."

"But maybe I can _now_." Ty joked, looking back down at the floor, "But really, Josh. As much as we joke, it's... gonna take some time. And.... stuff. To get into all this."

"I'm okay with stuff." Josh shrugged, "I waited this long, I'll wait as long as it takes and if in the future it's still too late and weird for it to work out, I'll live. You don't have to be part of this if you don't want to."

"That's the _thing_. I do. I... I care about you, Josh." Ty looked back up, "I just... don't know. I let you go. Kind of. It's a lot to suddenly have you now when I wanted it for so long and convinced myself I couldn't. Tyler from a while ago wouldn't have hesitated for a second."

"And now?"

"Now I'm overwhelmed and I kinda just want a nap where I wake up and everything is clear for me."

"All you'd get from a nap is waking up with a headache and complaining about it."

"Okay well that's an entirely different problem." Ty's grip on his hand hadn't released yet, "But... I want you to come home. Figure it out with me. If you want. I know you have Brendon and Dallon and stuff..."

"I love them, too, but... I do wanna be here again." Josh said, looking around them and spotting the ways it was completely different from Brendon's interior, "Home. Wherever that is for me at this point. I think it's in both places, but my relationship with the two of them is fine, it's us that's gotta figure shit out."

"God, we really do have a lot of issues, don't we? Like we've said it at least twice but... seriously."

"Oh, definitely." Josh said, "But they're not... they're solvable ones. We have more awkwardness issues than real ones."

"Us two being so beyond awkward to do anything and mutually fucking each other up is a real issue, too." Ty shrugged, "We would have solved this _waaay_ longer ago if we'd dealt with the issue."

"Fair enough, Ty, fair enough."

"Also I'm saying all of the first things that come into my head cause I'm so overwhelmed right now I don't think I can form proper thoughts but it worked out fine so far, right?"

"Well, I'm still here, right?"

"You mean, _now_?" Tyler chuckled.

"It's not even funny. You're just a dick." Josh laughed, lightly punching Ty in the arm.

"I'm _your_ di- nope. Not gonna finish that sentence. That is not... that is not what I meant."

"Wow, Tyler. Way to ruin the moment."

"We never _had_ a moment, we didn't deal with any of it seriously enough for it to be considered a moment."

"Agree to disagree."

They laughed together, sitting back down and letting themselves rest.

"So, what now?" Josh asked, staring up at the ceiling.

"Hmm?"

"Are we like... dating now?"

"I mean... sure ? Yeah. That'll work. That would be the end goal anyway, right?"

"Yeah. Okay." Josh nodded, "I'll just... add you to my long list of a relationship status."

"Yep....." Ty stared up at the part of the ceiling Josh's was staring at. There wasn't actually anything there, but neither of them seemed to care that much, "This is... weird."

"Which part?"

"All of it."

"Yeah, true."

"Should I... call Jenna back home?" Ty asked, pulling out their phone and going through the contacts, "I know she probably just left because she knew you were coming. I would have probably told her to leave us alone for a bit anyway, but hey, I can work with her doing it herself."

"Yeah. Tell her that we updated our relationship status to 'it's complicated."

"Oh, don't lie."

"What?"

"It's always been complicated." Ty said pointedly, "Now it's just a little extra complicated for the same but also different reasons."

"Whatever you say, dude."

It wasn't even five minutes later that Josh opened the door to Jenna grinning from ear to ear. Unsurprisingly, she hadn't actually gone that far, she was just waiting.

She hugged him tight, Josh smiling and laughing with her. It really washed over him how relieved he was in that moment.

Things were working out okay.

...

Man, he really needed this hug.

"Oh my god, finally you two!" She said, still embracing him tightly. "I felt myself getting old while I waited for you two to figure it out."

"Well it's your lucky day, Jen." Ty said as she let go of Josh and kissed Ty quickly, sitting the both of them down on the couch with her.

"So... we're all a thing now." Josh said, looking between the three of them.

"Yep."

"Uh-huh."

"Does that mean I'm dating you?" He said to Jenna, her thinking on it for a moment.

"I mean... you can."

"He can?" Tyler asked.

"What, you get a boyfriend and I don't?"

"...Fair enough."

"Anyway, as I was saying, you don't... have to? But sure, if you want to tie this to a full triple I'm down." Jenna said.

"I'm barely even dating Tyler, this is all... so much."

"That's okay. We'll figure it out as we go along." She shrugged.

"Hopefully." Josh said.

"Definitely." Tyler replied, putting their arms around the both of them. Perks of Ty sitting in the middle.

"The only person not in a poly relationship right now is Mark, have you guys noticed that?" Josh said.

"I barely even realized he was dating someone, for a moment he complained about being single and later on I'm being told he went out with his girlfriend and I barley questioned it."

"No point in questioning Mark."

"Maybe he just found a nice girl in the middle of your guys' story arc and went on a date with her and now they're dating, it's not that bizarre."

"Seems too easy. Josh and I didn't have it that easy."

"Mark's girlfriend is the new Mandela effect." Josh suggested.

"No." Tyler flat out said.

"Really?" He whined, "Then what will you accept as the truth, oh mighty Tyler?"

"We're being written by a shitty writer who isn't consistent?"

"Seriously? A writer? That's a shit ton less believable than the Mandela effect and you know it."

"No it isn't."

"If it was true, then why would our 'writer' have made it so hard for us to get together?"

"Drama, duh." Tyler said as if its the most obvious thing in the world, "Is that really a question?"

"If it's any consolation, Josh, if I was your writer I would have made it less difficult." Jenna said.

"That's exactly what someone who isn't a writer would say."

"You got me there." She shrugged.

"Well, hey, we're here now, so if your writer theory is correct, then thanks to our writer for being less of a dick than they could have been." Josh said, chuckling to myself. _Writer_. As if.

" _This_ is them being less of a dick? I fear what a world where this shit was more difficult would have been." Tyler said, shivering for dramatic effect.

"I don't even believe your writer theory at all, much less an _entire alternate universe_ of your writer theory." Josh said, crossing his arms, "And I'm the one who believes in aliens!"

"Yeah, well, you're a loser, so..."

"Why am I a loser now, Ty?"

"Cause you suck."

"Any reason why?"

"Too many." Tyler shrugged, "Lost count. Your loser meter is through the roof."

"Get married, you two." Jenna said, rolling her eyes at the both of them.

"Wanna marry me first?" Tyler said at her, Jenna blushing and laughing, pushing them away.

"Why her first?" Josh said, pouting jokingly.

"Cause you're-"

"Yeah, yeah, a loser, whatever, Ty. I should've guessed." He said, giggling as he rested his head on Ty's shoulder, him and Jenna squished in Ty's arms around the both of them and neither could complain.

"So, three of us against the world, huh?" Ty said.

"Well, I have Brendon and Dallon who also have partners of their own so... not really." Josh said, "But, sure, if that's how you wanna see it. This house, this half of the family."

"Fair enough."

 

He took a deep breath and sighed.

He hadn't been this peaceful in a while.

He'd missed it.

 

But maybe this is where this story should trail off for now. Happy endings, right?

 

The next morning Brendon and Dallon came over with an entire cake for them all, if that's something you wanna hear.

No better way to end a stressful time. 

A celebration for things going better than they could have, he couldn't complain. And the cake was like ... a honey cake. Josh didn't know where the fuck they'd gotten it nor had he ever had it before but it was absolutely delicious.

 

Maybe it's comedic that all the five people in the room are linked in one giant romantic relationship. Or maybe it's not.

If anything, it's offensive to an average conservative, considering most of it's gay and there's a nonbinary and trans person in there, too. That's for damn sure.

 

Doesn't matter though. Josh was happy. And say nothing goes wrong, he's gonna be in the distant future, too.

 

Here's for hoping. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, love my babes 
> 
> please comment I'm so desperate for feedback but anyway
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the end ! it's weird that it's over, I'm so used to having it to work on. 
> 
> thank you for coming on this journey with me, I hope you enjoyed the 12 chapters of this mess, and I'll (possibly?) see you guys again in the future with another fic for y'all 
> 
> also the whole background story in the news about the dead teenagers that's popped up a bunch of times in this fic is actually an inside joke, believe it or not. long story. 
> 
> comment if you enjoyed it ! Please. I beg you. I'd love to hear your thoughts. 
> 
>  
> 
> your least favorite fanboy, out.


End file.
